


Meet Me Under the Stars

by imagineyou (jokerindisguise)



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Angst, Canon Divergence, F/M, Fluff, Reader Insert, Reader is a Grimes, Shane redemption, Sophia Lives, reader - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-26
Updated: 2019-02-28
Packaged: 2019-04-28 07:52:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 11
Words: 38,122
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14444739
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jokerindisguise/pseuds/imagineyou
Summary: You are the eldest daughter of Rick and Lori Grimes. When the world ends, you're in a different state attending college. You're discouraged when you return home to see that your family is not there, so you resolve to continue on by yourself. You're resting for the night in the woods when you find a little girl running from walkers. You rescue her and hope to return her to her mother, but a grumpy archer finds you first and completely changes everything.





	1. Alone

**Author's Note:**

> I chickened out last night when I first posted this. I'm so nervous! I'm hoping that this doesn't completely suck. 
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own any of The Walking Dead characters or plot.
> 
> Starts out between Sophia disappearing and Daryl leaving to find her on (Nervous) Nelly.

You were used to being on your own. Before everything fell apart, you had never been considered a social butterfly. At college, you only really had a handful of friends, but you were sure they were all gone now. Not to mention the teacher you had a fling with, but the less you thought about that, the better.

When the dead started coming back and feasting on the living, you managed to survive on your own. Sure, you came across people, but it didn’t matter whether they were friendly or not, because you always decided to keep moving without a companion or group.

You were used to being lonely, but going day to day paranoid out of your mind that one tiny slip-up would be the end for you was driving you more than a bit insane. You had taken to sleeping in trees. It wasn't the most comfortable way to rest, but it was better than never getting any sleep because you were worried that a walker would happen upon you.

When you found it hard to sleep, you settled for staring up at the stars. You weren't quite sure how something as breathtakingly beautiful as the night sky managed to still exist in such a nightmare world. It helped ease your anxiety. It made you feel like maybe you weren’t so doomed. You zoned out on the stars most nights, thinking over your life and everything that had brought you to that point.

You were an unplanned, teen pregnancy. You grew up feeling like you were a huge mistake and a burden for your parents. After hearing an argument between your mom and dad about how things would have been easier if they had never become parents at such a young age, you had resolved to do everything in your power to go to a college out of state.

You missed your little brother, Carl, most of all. You made sure to call him at least twice a week and once the apocalypse hit, you couldn't help but feel desperate to get back to him. You thought of every possible terrible scenario that could have befallen your family and it only fueled your need to check on them. You knew that it was only wishful thinking that kept you going. You imagined running up the porch steps and into the waiting arms of your family. You thought of barricading yourselves into the home you spent most of your childhood in and surviving.

You were thankful that your father had taken it upon himself to teach you how to properly use a gun. He had spent hours at the shooting range with you, giving you instructions on how to handle the weapon and perfecting your aim. You were sure he had never imagined that you would need the skill to kill the walkers that would try to eat your flesh if you ever let your guard down.

You weren't sure how long it took you to reach home. It felt like years, but it must have only been a few months. 

You were shocked by the absence of walkers. It seemed like there were only a few stragglers that were easily taken care of by the Bowie knife you had picked up at a deserted camp only weeks before. 

You were glad to see that your home hadn't been completely overtaken by walkers, but you were crestfallen to see that no one was there. No sign of your family could be found as you searched your home, trying not to make too much noise in case there was a walker or two in the house. 

You felt relieved that you weren't confronted by your family as walkers, but you couldn't help but feel disappointed that you were still all alone. You just wanted to see them at least one last time before this world claimed you. Was that too much to ask?

You forced yourself to trudge up the stairs to your room so that you could grab a few extra things to help you. You weren't sure where to go from there. Were your parents even alive? Your brother? You laced your fingers behind your head and spun in a circle as you took one last look around your bedroom. It looked exactly as you left it. Nothing was out of place. You walked over to your bed and rifled under it until you found the small picture album you had kept there. 

There were only a few pictures inside, but they were important to you. There was one full family photo done in a professional studio and then the rest were from a shitty Kodak disposable camera. Most of them were of you and Carl the summer before your senior year of high school. 

You tucked the album into your backpack and then grabbed a few shirts and a pair of jeans. You rooted around in the bottom of your closet before you came across your pair of hiking boots, glad that you could switch out your well-worn pair of tennis shoes for something a bit more sturdy. 

You started feeling restless, imagining a herd descending on your house while you were still inside, so you decided to hurry and raid the kitchen before you left. You felt around in the pantry for any supplies, managing to find a few protein bars and a couple of cans of green beans. 

You were about to swing shut the door to the pantry when you heard a creaking sound. You paused, trying to figure out if it was just the house settling or something more troublesome, before you sighed in relief at the absence of sound that followed.

You turned away from the pantry and jumped at the sight of a walker just behind the door. It lunged at you and you barely had the time to stab it in the skull with your knife before another one was shuffling through the back door. 

You felt so stupid for not even checking to see if the house was secure. It was a dumb mistake and could very well cost you your life. You attacked the second walker before rushing forward once it was dead and pulling the back door shut. You chanced a glance out of the window beside the door and noticed only a couple of other walkers shambling up the porch steps.

"Fuck," you muttered, rushing to get a look at the front yard. Thankfully, there wasn't a walker in sight, but you were sure that wouldn't last long. Once you were sure your backpack was secured firmly on your shoulders, you opened the door and took off running. 

You didn't stop until you were well into the forest that rested just on the edge of your town. You took a second to breathe, fighting the tears that wanted to break free. You felt panic consume you and your hands began to shake. "Come on," you whispered to yourself. "Pull it together. Now is not the time to fall apart, Y/N."

You looked at the sky, noticing that it was late afternoon. You probably only had a couple hours of sunlight left. 

You sighed and continued walking until you found a tree that had sturdy enough branches to hold you for the night. You climbed up the tree, glad that you had remembered to grab your hiking boots, since they had much better grip than your tennis shoes. 

You stared up at the sky and tried to keep yourself calm, but you couldn’t help but question everything. What the hell were you going to do now? You didn't want to really admit it to yourself, but you had been more or less banking on the idea that you would be reunited with your family at your home. But now? Now you were still alone and had no idea where the hell you were supposed to go from there.

You wandered for days. You weren't sure where you were going, but you knew that you had to keep moving. You managed to avoid walkers for the most part, moving as silently as you could while staying away from main roads and sticking to the outskirts of towns when you had to scavenge for food. 

You passed a highway that was blocked with cars. You knew that there were probably supplies that you could use, but it was too risky. You steered clear of it since you knew walkers would be hard to spot if they were mixed in with all of the vehicles. 

You kept walking for about an hour after spotting the highway, deciding to turn in early for the night because you felt so exhausted. 

You went through your usual routine of finding the perfect tree before you settled in for the night. You stared up at the darkening sky from your temporary bed, wondering if there was even anyone else alive to enjoy the sight of the approaching stars with you. 

You drifted off, but woke to the sound of someone running through the woods. You were quick to take a check of your surroundings, knowing that hesitating in this new life could mean death.

You managed to spot a little girl running just below the tree you had picked as a bed for the night before she stumbled out of your sight. You noticed the walkers shambling along in her wake, knowing that sooner or later, they would catch up to her. You didn't even hesitate before you dropped down to the ground behind the two walkers, knowing that even though they could easily overpower you, you weren't going to allow them to catch up to that little girl.

"Hey!" You yelled, trying to get their attention off her. The walkers both turned to look at you, pausing in their steps before they began shuffling in your direction. You barely saw the girl stop, her hands on her knees as she took a break from running, before she glanced at you. 

You were quick to take down one before the other was on you. You tried not to give your focus to the little girl slowly working her way back towards you, because you knew that one moment of distraction could mean your death. 

You circled around the second walker before you were able to stab it through the head. You sighed in relief once it was down and then allowed yourself to scan for any walkers you might have missed. When the area seemed to be clear, you turned back to the little girl. She had her arms crossed, huddled in on herself, and shaking. You quickly took off the jacket you had managed to grab from your room when you were home and moved forward to wrap it around her. 

"What's your name?" You bent down so that you could look at her more clearly.

She avoided your eyes for a moment before she glanced around again. "Sophia," she whispered. 

"Sophia, I'm Y/N. Are you out here all alone?"

You were sure that she had family somewhere. You really hoped that you hadn’t just killed them. You shuddered at the thought of her being chased by her own family after they turned into walkers.

She nodded her head, still shivering. "I got separated from my mom."

"Okay, sweetie. I'll get you back to her, okay? But the sun's almost down, so we really need to get back up in that tree." You pointed to the tree where your backpack was still hanging from a branch far above your heads. 

Sophia shook her head, somehow managing to look even more terrified. "I can't climb," she insisted.

You could feel the urging at the back of your mind, that survival instinct that had gotten you through all of this, that was telling you to get up in that tree before darkness completely fell. 

"I'll be right behind you the whole time, okay? I'm not going to let you fall. It's the safest place for us to be right now." You stared at her as she seemed to deliberate over your words, feeling your heart kick into higher gear with each second that passed. 

Finally she nodded her head. "Okay," she conceded, letting you usher her over to the tree. You were patient with her and helped her along the way, coaching her through it and boosting her up onto a higher branch when she needed it. 

You immediately felt better once you were high enough off the ground that walkers wouldn't be able to reach you. 

"Okay, Sophia," you said as you settled your back against the tree and allowed her to sit practically on your lap. You adjusted her so that you weren't at risk of falling out of the tree, before you worked on securing your position. "We're going to sleep here and then when we wake up in the morning, we're going to figure out where your mom is," you said, blinking a few times as your eyes adjusted to the dark.

You felt her nod her head against your chest and when her breaths tapered off into even puffs of air against your arm, you allowed yourself to close your eyes. You knew you wouldn’t be getting much sleep that night, but you just had to rest your eyes. Everything ached and all you wanted was to forget for a while, but you knew that you could still listen out for any trouble that might head your way.

You weren’t sure when you drifted off, but you woke to the sound of whistling. You felt a weight against your chest and almost panicked for a moment, before you remembered finding and rescuing Sophia. Sure enough, when you managed to crack your eyes open, there was a head of blonde hair leaning against your chest and your arms were wrapped around the younger girl.

“Hey, what the hell are y’all in that tree for?”

You startled at the sound of a voice coming from just below you. You frowned and chanced a glance down, careful to keep your balance with Sophia in your arms.

You were met with the sight of a man with a crossbow slung over his shoulder. He was squinting up at you with his head tilted to the side. You didn’t get much of a chance to really consider the stranger because at that moment, Sophia woke up.

“Daryl?” She called down.

The man, Daryl, took a step back. “Sophia?” 

Sophia looked like she was about to jump down from the tree in her excitement, so you shook your head. “Look, I’ll climb down first and I’ll guide you. Now would be a really terrible time to slip and hurt yourself.”

She nodded her head in agreement and you started the long process of climbing down the tree. You tried to keep your backpack from slipping because the strap was simply wrapped around your forearm. You were cursing yourself for not taking the time to secure it on your back, but you knew it was too late to fix that now.   
You made sure to keep checking that with every step down Sophia wasn’t in any danger of falling. You were surprised you trusted Daryl to actually watch out for the two of you, but you figured if Sophia was important to him, then he wouldn’t let any walkers get too close. 

Once your feet touched the ground, you couldn’t help but let out a sigh of relief. You slung your backpack up over your right shoulder, taking a hold of your Bowie knife while you waited for Sophia to jump down from the tree.

The second Sophia’s feet touched the forest floor, Daryl was scooping her up into his arms. “We’ve been looking everywhere, kid. Your mom’s worried sick.”

Sophia sniffled and nodded her head. “I’m sorry.”

“Let’s get you back to her.” He set her down on the ground and took hold of one of her hands before he turned and took off away from you. 

“Wait!” Sophia cried. “My friend. Y/N.”

Sophia turned and looked at you. She held out her other hand.

You shook your head. “I think it’s best if I go,” you tried, taking a step back.

“Please come with us,” Sophia begged as she took a step towards you.

“Come on and meet the girl’s mother. I’m sure she’ll wanna thank you.” Daryl was squinting at you now, as if he was trying to figure out if you were trustworthy or not.

You frowned and thought over your choices. You sighed and shrugged your shoulders once you made a decision. You couldn’t help but think that staying with a group for a few days shouldn’t hurt.

“Fine,” you conceded. “But then I’ll be on my way.”

You followed behind the two of them for a while, listening to Daryl fill Sophia in on how her mother was doing. He talked about a farm and a man named Hershel. He mentioned that their group was safe for now and camped out for the time being while they were searching for Sophia.

It seemed like no time at all before you passed a line of trees and walked out onto a field. You were stunned at the sight of the walker-free land. There was so much to take in, but what caught your attention were the shouts that were coming from a group off in the distance. 

You were halfway across the field when you noticed a woman with grey short hair running towards you. “Sophia!” She called as she closed in on your group, her arms immediately going around the young girl once she was close enough.

“Mama,” Sophia cried, clinging to her mother and refusing to let go.

You felt a lump form in your throat at the sight of Sophia reuniting with her mother. You swore to yourself that you wouldn’t cry at the sight, even though you couldn’t help but feel jealous for a few seconds, since you were sure in that moment that you would never see your family again. At least you were able to get Sophia back to her mother. That was all that should really mattered in that moment.

Daryl turned to you and nodded towards the house off in the distance. “Come on. I’ll get ya set up,” he said before he made to start walking over towards the group of tents that were set up near the house.

It was then that you noticed a few others running towards you. You felt your breathing pick up when you saw a man who looked familiar. He was wearing a deputy uniform and practically sprinting across the remaining distance between you. As he got closer, you felt your eyes widen and your hands start to sweat with nervous anticipation. It was only when he was almost standing right in front of you that you finally allowed yourself to speak.

“Dad?”


	2. The Farm - Part One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The reader finds out some shocking information about her family.

You were sure that you were in shock. That was the only reason you could think of that would explain why you were just standing there in an open field staring at your father. 

He was right there in front of you. After telling yourself over and over that you would never see your family again, your dad was here staring at you like he couldn’t believe that you were real. 

You could see tears beginning to form in his eyes. His jaw had dropped the second he saw you and he just stood there stunned. You felt like you should say something else, but you couldn’t even begin to form the words.  


You were vaguely aware of the silence all around you before you heard your mom’s voice break through your shock.

“Y/N?” 

You blinked a few times, hastily wiping away the tears that had started to trail down your face, before you felt yourself drawn into your mom’s arms. She was squeezing you so tight that you could hardly breathe, but you could barely process what was going on enough to tell her to let up on her grip. 

“How did you find us?” Your dad was now standing with his arms around you and your mom. His voice held a tone of disbelief. 

“Found her and Sophia in the woods,” Daryl piped up, looking between you and your parents as if he wasn’t sure if he was welcome to butt in on the reunion happening before him. “This your kid?” He gestured towards you as if he could have been talking about anyone else.

It was in that moment that you realized that you didn’t see your little brother. “Carl,” you blurted out. Oh God, if he wasn’t here with your parents, then where the hell was he? “Where is Carl?”

Your parents shared a look and you just knew that something bad had happened to Carl. You felt like you were about to go right into an anxiety attack at the thought of your baby brother no longer alive.

Your dad shook his head, already realizing what you had assumed. “It’s not that. He’s going to be okay. Carl got shot, but thanks to Shane and a man named Otis, Hershel was able to perform the surgery that saved him.”

You blinked at your parents a few times, trying to process all of the information. Carl got shot? But he’ll be okay. Shane was here? Who was Otis? And was Hershel some kind of doctor?

“Hey, Y/N.”

You turned at the sound of Shane’s voice. You had always considered him to be a kind of uncle to you and when you were feeling particularly unwanted around your house, you would go see him. In a way, he had turned out to be one of your best friends and the fact that he was here and alive with your parents and brother was just about all of the shock you could take in that moment. 

“Someone catch her!” You weren’t sure who shouted the words, but you had a feeling it was Daryl. You were confused by them for a moment before you realized you were swaying and your eyes were drooping closed. You couldn’t focus on any one thing before everything seemed to spin around you as you slowly began to fall to the ground.

You woke up in a bedroom. It took you a few moments to figure out just why that was so weird before you bolted upright. 

“Hey, you’re okay. Don’t go freaking out on me.”

You noticed that Daryl was standing at the window, leaning against the frame and watching you carefully, as if he was sure that you were going to start trying to attack him at any minute. 

“What happened?” You blinked around the room a few times, trying to figure out if you knew where you were. 

“You fainted,” Daryl offered with a shrug of his shoulders. After a few moments, you realized that he wasn’t going to mention anything else. You couldn’t help but roll your eyes at the man of very few words. 

You closed your eyes and tried to focus on what had led up to you lying in a bed and meeting Daryl. It took you a few moments to really catch up with everything. Your head felt like it was spinning. Once you finally processed everything, you scrambled to get off the bed.

“Whoa, hey, where are you going? You need to rest!”

“I want to see my brother,” you replied, not even waiting to hear Daryl’s response before you left the room. 

You looked back and forth, realizing that you were in an unfamiliar house, before you set out to search for your brother. You weren’t sure if he was in the house or in the camp you had spotted earlier, but you were going to find him. 

“Y/N, what are you doing out of bed?” You looked over to see your dad standing in the doorway of a room you hadn’t checked yet. 

“I told her to rest, but she won’t listen,” Daryl grumbled, moving to stand near your dad in the hallway. “Damn stubborn just like her old man.”

Your dad chuckled before he reached an arm out to pull you into a hug. You let him hold you a few seconds, knowing that you both needed that reassurance that you were really there together. You couldn’t believe that the little girl you saved in the woods had led you right to your family. You kept waiting for the other shoe to drop, but for now, you were just going to enjoy being with your parents and little brother again. 

Your dad pulled away from the embrace and then nodded towards the room behind him. “Your brother is asleep, but he’ll be excited to see you.”

You practically pushed your dad out of the way to see Carl. He was the most important person in the world to you and now that he was right here, you weren’t going to let anything get in your way.

Seeing your baby brother for the first time after the apocalypse hit was more overwhelming than you had expected. It probably didn’t help that he looked so tiny and helpless lying in that bed with the white bandage over his stomach. He was pale and a bit sweaty, but he looked like he was actually getting some rest and not just passed out. 

It was then that you realized your mom was sitting in a chair beside his bed, holding onto Carl’s hand, but staring up at you in wonder. 

“There’s my strong baby.” You could see the tears in your mom’s eyes and when she got up to hug you, you let her. It wasn’t a big secret that your relationship with your parents was rocky. You spent a lot of your childhood feeling unwanted by them. They doted on Carl, and of course you didn’t mind. You loved Carl more than anyone and you were glad he didn’t have to grow up feeling the way that you did for the majority of your childhood. 

Yet you couldn’t help but feel a bit upset at the fact that both of your parents were here with Carl and had left you in a room with someone who was practically a stranger to you. You patted your mom on the back to let her know that you wanted out of it before you moved over to Carl’s bedside. You took the chair your mom had been sitting in, not caring that she would have to stand now. 

You felt like you had gone through hell to find your family and spent so much time being alone. You couldn’t help but wonder what had gone on. Why had no one come to find you? Why were they even further from home but in the opposite direction of where you had been? 

You couldn’t help but feel betrayed by the blatant evidence that your parents hadn’t cared enough about you to try to find you once the world ended. Had you even crossed their minds once everything fell apart?

You watched as your father walked into the room and shut the door behind him. He moved to sit on the end of the bed, your mom electing to stand beside the door, her arms crossed over her stomach. You noticed that she was acting weird, glancing around the room and not looking at either you or your father. 

You narrowed your eyes at her, trying to figure out what she was hiding, before your attention was caught by your father.

“How did you end up all the way out here?”

You raised an eyebrow at him and reached forward to grab Carl’s hand, feeling better once you were able to establish some sort of contact with your little brother. “How did _you_ end up all the way out here?”

“Rick, she doesn’t know what happened. She doesn’t know about your accident.”

You couldn’t help but feel confused at the words. “Accident? What accident?”

Your dad turned to look at your mom. “Lori, how could you keep that from our daughter? I would have thought it was important enough to mention in a conversation.”

“Well, everything fell apart right after. I just didn’t find the time.”

Your dad let out a snort of derision. “You couldn’t find one damn minute to pick up the phone and tell Y/N that her father was in a coma?”

“You were in a coma?” You knew you were parroting certain phrases, but you just couldn’t believe that your mom would keep something like that from you. It made you feel like you weren’t even a part of your family. 

There was a tension in the room that had you wishing that you could leave. You weren’t going to go anywhere until your brother woke up, but you at least wished that your parents would give you a bit of space. You felt like you were going to cry all over again. You had fought to be here with your family and not only had your mom kept something so important from you, but you got the feeling that you hadn’t been a priority for her when the world went to shit.

You cleared your throat when you realized that your parents were in some sort of weird stand-off. “So, Carl’s going to be okay?”

You tried to focus on the only information that was important to you in that moment. 

Your dad turned around to look at you. “He’s going to pull through. Shane and Otis went to get what Hershel needed to save your brother’s life. Otis died saving your brother. We owe him and this family a great deal.”

You nodded your head, trying to wrap your mind around all of the information you had just been given. You couldn’t help but feel alienated from your family. Maybe it was a mistake to stay here. You should have just told Sophia you weren’t coming back with her. 

“And Hershel is a doctor?”

“For the most part,” your dad said with a shrug of his shoulders. “This is his house. He’s been nice enough to let us stay here while your brother heals. He was also allowing us to stay while we searched for Sophia.”

It felt like you were never going to be able to catch up with all of the information you’d been given in the past half hour. Maybe this was just a really fucked up dream. You half expected to wake up in your college dorm at any moment, dreading another day of avoiding your ex and doing your best to keep your scholarship so you wouldn’t have to ask your parents for tuition money. 

“Do you mind leaving us alone?” You nodded your head down at Carl, trying to let your parents know that you wanted some space. You felt like leaving and you didn’t need to do that. You had to stay for your brother. You had to stay for Sophia. If she somehow felt safer with you around, then you would be here for her. Just because your relationship with your parents wasn’t the best, it didn’t mean that there was nothing for you here. 

“Sure, sweetheart,” your mom said. She bit her lip, as if she was about to say something, when she shook her head and opened the door to leave. You knew she was hiding something, but now wasn’t the time to figure that out. 

Your dad gave you an apologetic look as he left the room, shutting the door slowly behind him. 

You let out a relieved sigh, knowing that there would be more family drama on the way, but you had a pass for now. 

“Y/N?”

You quickly looked down at your brother, feeling tears well up in your eyes at the sight of him looking at you.

“Hey, kiddo.”

“How’d you find us?”

You let out a laugh that sounded dangerously close to a sob. “It’s a really long story. Sure you got that kind of time?”

Carl offered you a smile and squeezed your hand. 

That was all the answer you needed before you started filling in your brother on your life over the past few months.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this was a bit of a filler, but I promise Daryl shows up in the next chapter. Sophia also bonds more with the reader in the next chapter. :) I just really wanted to establish the reader's relationship with her parents. 
> 
> Also, with the way this is going, I'm thinking this will be a really long fic, so if you're still interested, please let me know.


	3. The Farm - Part Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The reader meets the other survivors and finds out some shocking information about Lori.

Once Carl had started to drift back off to sleep, you decided it was a good time to leave the room and try to meet some of the other people in the group. You really didn’t want to impose and if you could, then you wanted to find people to hang out with who weren’t your parents. 

You tried walking towards the front door, but since you didn’t know the house all that well, you took a wrong turn somewhere and ended up wandering into the kitchen. You froze in the doorway, suddenly feeling unsure when six different pairs of eyes turned to look at you. You only recognized Sophia and her mom, but the other people in the room were strangers to you. 

“Y/N!” Sophia yelled as she hopped off her chair and ran over to you. “Are you okay?”

She threw her arms around your waist and you stumbled back when she knocked into you. 

“I’m fine,” you managed to say, feeling unsure of your welcome with so many strangers in the room. 

“Sophia, honey, don’t smother her,” Sophia’s mom said as she rushed over towards the both of you. “I’m Carol,” she said as she held her hand out for you to shake. “I can’t thank you enough for finding my baby.”

“It was the least I could do,” you said with a shrug of your shoulders. Carol carefully pried Sophia off of you. “I’m glad you two are together again.”

“From what I hear, you found your family too.”

You glanced over to see an older gentleman with white hair considering you from where he was sitting at the kitchen counter. 

“Yes, sir,” you managed to say, trying your best to be polite even though you were mildly freaking out. It seemed that after spending so much time alone, being surrounded by people who were practically strangers to you was more than a little overwhelming.

“Well, I’m glad.” The man stood up from his chair and walked over towards you, holding out his right hand for you to shake. “I’m Hershel Greene. This is my farm.”

You suddenly felt an overwhelming debt of gratitude towards the man in front of you. “You’re the one who saved my brother?”

“Well, I had some help,” Hershel offered with a sincere grin.

“Thank you so much,” you said as you practically threw your arms around the man. “You have no idea how much he means to me.”

Hershel chuckled and patted you on the back before stepping away from the embrace. You could tell he probably felt a little awkward now, but you couldn’t even find it in yourself to be embarrassed. In today’s world, a shot to the abdomen was practically a guaranteed death. You were thankful that Hershel was able to perform the surgery that saved Carl. Without him, Carl probably would have died, and you would have missed seeing him once you were reunited with your family. 

You offered him a smile and shrugged your shoulders. “It just means a lot to me. And I’m sorry if us being here is an inconvenience.” You knew better than anyone how important it was to hold onto your supplies and make sure you had enough to survive. If anything, you wouldn’t have blamed Hershel for wanting everyone off the farm so that he would have enough to keep his family alive. 

Hershel didn’t say anything for a few seconds and you couldn’t help but wonder if he really did want you off the farm. “Yes, well, I’m just glad we could help Carl. It’s a shame we lost Otis, though.” 

You weren’t sure what to say to that. You felt bad that they lost someone, but you were glad your brother was still alive. You wondered if they had some kind of memorial for the man, because you wanted to pay your respects, but you were torn out of your thoughts by Sophia tugging on your hand. You were surprised she was still standing there, staring up at you with a hopeful expression on her face. 

“My mom was wondering if you wanted a tour. We could introduce you to people.”

One look at Carol told you that it was actually Sophia’s idea, but you didn’t want to call the little girl out on it. “Sure,” you agreed. “Thanks again,” you told Hershel before Sophia led you towards the three other women sitting in the kitchen. 

One of the women with short, brown hair extended a hand towards you as soon as you were within reach. “I’m Maggie,” she said. “And you’re Y/N, right?”

You opened your mouth to respond, but Sophia got there first. “That’s right! She saved me from the walkers.”

You shrugged helplessly as Maggie grinned at you. You could feel a flush build on your cheeks, because you felt like Sophia was starting to put you on a pedestal. Sure, you’d saved her, but you didn’t think you were worthy of the hero worship she was starting to display. You couldn’t help but feel like you should really try to help her tone it down. You knew more than anyone that it was dangerous to look to someone to continuously save you. 

“I’m Beth,” the young blonde girl told you as she waved. She pointed to the woman sitting beside her who looked like an older version of her. “And that’s Patricia.”

“It’s nice to meet you,” you said. 

Sophia tugged on your hand. “Come on. There’s a lot more people to meet.” She started pulling you towards the front door and you glanced over your shoulder to share a look with Carol. 

She smiled fondly down at her daughter and shrugged her shoulders. You turned back around just as Sophia led you out onto the porch. 

From there, you met the other survivors. Glenn and T-Dog seemed sweet. Andrea was a little abrasive, but you figured that she must have been through hell and back to still be alive during the end of the world. Dale was welcoming, but you could tell that he was reserving judgment on you until he got to know you more. You only got to wave at Jimmy before Sophia was pulling you along in a different direction. 

Sophia tried to introduce you to Shane, but you explained that you had known him practically since you were born. She looked up at you with wide eyes. “I forgot you were Carl’s sister.”

You couldn’t help but laugh at that, but waved her on to continue the introductions. She towed you out towards the back of the camp, to the last tent that was set up. 

“Daryl?” Sophia called out. “You there?”

“Honey, if he’s asleep, we shouldn’t disturb him,” Carol intervened, reaching out to put a hand on her daughter’s shoulder. 

“I’m awake,” Daryl grumbled from inside the tent. He poked his head out and squinted at the three of you. “What’s going on?”

“I just wanted to introduce Y/N to you. Since she fainted and all and might not have remembered you.”

You chuckled at that before you gestured towards Daryl. “You think I could forget someone that grumpy?”

Sophia grinned up at you and when you chanced a glance at Daryl, you could have sworn that you saw the corners of his mouth tick up into the semblance of a smile. 

You couldn’t quite explain the feeling that welled up within you at the sight of Daryl trying not to smile. It was something you hadn’t really felt in a long time and while you weren’t quite sure it was attraction, you didn’t want to get too caught up in it. The last time you were attracted to someone it only ended in disaster and heartache. You weren’t really in a rush to get your heart broken all over again. Besides, you really couldn’t afford the distraction with everything else going on. 

Carol spoke up in that moment, trying to gain Sophia’s attention. “I need to go start dinner. Come help me with that.”

Sophia glanced up at you hopefully. You knew there was no way her mom was going to let her out of her sight anytime soon. However, there was something you wanted to speak to Daryl about regarding his crossbow. You glanced around for it, but couldn’t spot it. “Hey, can I talk to you for a second?”

Daryl’s features scrunched up in confusion before he shrugged. “I guess,” he replied.

You turned to look at Sophia. “I just have to talk to Daryl here for a few moments, but I’ll find you later, okay?” You got the feeling that she wasn’t going to be too keen about you leaving her sight, but you kind of wanted to ask Daryl for a favor. 

“Okay,” Sophia relented with a pout before she allowed her mom to tug her away back towards the center of the camp. 

“What’d you wanna talk about?” Daryl was sitting on the ground in front of his tent, staring up at you with a look in his eyes you couldn’t quite understand. 

You sighed and sat down beside him on the ground. He wriggled away a bit, as if he wasn’t all too thrilled with the idea of your arms brushing together. You normally would have called him out, but you didn’t feel like staying out in the open for too long. You could already feel that itch under your skin urging you to get up high so that you would be safe. 

“You know how to use that crossbow you were carrying around?”

Daryl let out a snort of amusement at that. “Yeah,” he said. “Pretty damn well.” 

“Think you could teach me?”

Daryl looked surprised at the question. You more or less got the feeling that people didn’t sign up to voluntarily hang out with him that often. It was either that or he had some kind of idea that he was an undesirable part of the group. You remembered the look of respect and awe on Carol’s face when she looked at him. You remembered the comradery between your dad and Daryl earlier. You knew that Daryl was a wanted part of the group. You just weren’t so sure he was convinced that the group welcomed him.

“You know how to shoot a gun?” Daryl finally asked.

You nodded your head. “My dad taught me.”

Daryl shrugged his shoulders. “Well, it’s different from that, but knowing how to aim will help you a hell of a lot.”

“So, you’ll teach me?” You tried not to sound too hopeful. In your mind, if you knew how to use any weapon at your disposal, then it would just go that much further to help you protect yourself and your family. Mostly, you wanted to make sure that you would be enough to make sure Carl was safe. 

Daryl shrugged his shoulders and grumbled something low under his breath. Finally, he conceded with a nod of his head. “Sure. I’ll teach ya.” 

You couldn’t help but focus in on his accent for a few moments. He was just so surly and adorable, you couldn’t help but think. He kept glancing at you out of the corner of his eye, as if to make sure you were still there, before he would hastily focus on something else. 

You knew you needed to get up and leave. The last time you felt like this about someone, you had ended up sneaking around and feeling like the worst person alive when you found out he was married. Worse yet, his wife had been in the hospital. You remembered when you found out and immediately ran all the way back to your dorm that you shared with three other girls. 

It wasn’t long after that when the world fell apart. You tried not to think about Coach Negan and your doomed relationship. A small part of you hoped that he had been killed when the dead started walking and devouring the living. A bigger part of you felt guilty for wishing death on anyone. Either way, you tried your best to forget about him. 

You couldn’t help but wonder if Daryl would be the person to make you forget your last boyfriend even existed. You wanted to get closer to him, but there was a lot keeping you back. For now, you’d settle for getting to know him and befriending him. You figured that would be safe enough. “So, how’d you end up with this group and my family?”

Daryl scowled for a second before his face cleared. “Your mom and Shane over there,” he nodded towards where Shane was sitting a few tents away, occasionally glancing at the pair of you, “they were there first. Your dad showed up later after he handcuffed my brother to the roof of a building and left him.”

“He what?” You couldn’t help but shout. 

Daryl waved your concern away. “The way I figure, it’s probably Merle’s fault. He stirs up trouble and doesn’t know how to keep his damn mouth shut. The key got dropped and by the time we went back to find him, the damn idiot had already cut himself free. Left behind his hand for me to find.”

You weren’t quite sure what to say to that. “Wow,” you got out before a shadow fell over you. You flinched, remembering that this wasn’t the time to forget about the apocalypse that had taken over. You had one second to imagine it was a walker that was about to take a bite out of you before you heard Shane’s voice from above you. 

“Hey, Y/N. I need you to come help me with something.”

You glanced up to see Shane glaring down at Daryl. You rolled your eyes at the man who was practically your uncle. He had always done this. Any time he thought you needed rescuing, he would swoop in and save you. It usually worked when there were playground bullies involved or your insensitive parents, but right now, you wanted to be by Daryl’s side. You had half a mind to tell Shane you were fine, but there was something off about him. He looked like he was just itching for a fight and with one glance at Daryl and how vulnerable he looked, you decided to leave it. Daryl probably put up a tough guy act to keep people from really getting to know him. You had an overwhelming urge to protect him in that moment and if that meant getting Shane off his back, then you would do it. 

You sighed and stood up, brushing down the backs of your legs. “I’ll see you later for those lessons, Daryl.” 

“Yeah,” he grunted from the ground, watching you leave with Shane. 

“What’s going on?” You looked to Shane to see if he actually had an excuse for talking to you or if he was just trying to get you away from Daryl. 

“I wanted to see if you wanted to sleep in my tent tonight. I’ll be on watch most of the night, so I don’t mind giving it to you.”

You studied Shane’s face for a moment. There was something wrong with him. You couldn’t tell if it was the whole apocalypse deal getting to him or if it was something else. He seemed colder. Less affectionate than the man you had grown up calling an uncle. 

You paused with him right outside his tent. You studied it for a few seconds before you glanced around the land the farm was situated on. There were a few big trees on the property that you were sure you could try to sleep in, but you got the feeling that your dad or mom would bother you until you agreed to sleep in their tent. That definitely wasn’t going to happen. 

“Where are you going to be on watch?”

Shane nodded over towards the RV where Dale was sitting on top in a lawn chair with a pair of binoculars hanging around his neck. You knew it was probably a dumb idea, but you figured it would be the easiest compromise you could make. 

“You think Dale would let me sleep up there?”

Shane furrowed his eyebrows at the thought. “I guess he would. Why?”

As you walked over to the RV with Shane, you explained to him how being up high made you feel safe. You felt like you were an easier target on the ground and while you would have preferred to sleep in one of the trees, you knew that your parents would bug you about it. 

Shane chuckled and agreed with your assessment. “Probably for the best,” he agreed as he stared up at Dale. “Hey, Dale. We have a favor to ask you.”

A few hours later you were settling down to get some rest on top of the RV. Thankfully, Dale had been kind and repeatedly told you that you were more than welcome to sleep in the RV. All you had to do was explain about your experience before you found Sophia and he was more than willing to help. 

“You doing okay?” Shane was sitting up in the lawn chair now, watching the perimeter to make sure that any stray walkers didn’t happen upon the farm. You shuddered at the thought of a herd stumbling across the open field. You hoped that never happened. 

“Yeah,” you said, curling into your sleeping bag and closing your eyes. You felt exhausted after everything that had happened. While a part of you wished that you could sleep in the same room as Carl, you knew your mom would be there and you really didn’t feel like dealing with her at that moment. 

“Good night, Shane,” you whispered, knowing that he would still hear you. 

“Night, Y/N.”

It felt like you closed your eyes for a few seconds before you were opening them to sunlight. You squinted, taking a few seconds to get your bearings, before you managed to sit up. Dale was on watch and he offered you a wave once he saw that you were awake. 

You offered him a small smile before you went about rolling up your sleeping bag and climbing down the ladder to stand on the ground. You wanted to go check on Carl, but you were stopped by the sight of Glenn standing there waiting for you.

“I need to talk to you.”

You couldn’t help but feel confused at the words. You didn’t even know Glenn. What could he possibly have to talk to you about?

“Uh, okay,” you managed to say before he grabbed your forearm and tugged you away from the RV. 

He glanced around to make sure the two of you weren’t in danger of being overheard before he fixed you with a serious expression. “Your mom is pregnant.”

You felt your eyes widen at that before you blurted out your reply. “What the hell do you want me to do about it?”

Glenn let out a frustrated breath before he glanced around again. He noticed Daryl staring at the pair of you in concern, but he was too far away to hear anything. 

“She wants me to get her these plan B pills or something. I don’t think she plans on keeping the kid. And she hasn’t told anyone else, including your dad, about the pregnancy. I figured maybe you could talk some sense into her.”

You blinked at Glenn, feeling overwhelmed by the words. You weren’t really sure what to feel. You felt rage at the fact that your mom was thinking of giving up the baby without so much as discussing it with your dad. You knew they had problems, but it was clear now more than ever that maybe they really weren’t in any kind of a functioning relationship. You felt sad and confused. Your mom had never really been close to you. You resented the way she talked about you when you were younger and if it weren’t for Carl, then you were sure you wouldn’t have even bothered to try to find your family. You were worried that this new baby was in danger of growing up with the same feelings towards your parents that you did. You didn’t want them to feel unwanted. If anything, she at least needed to talk to your father before making such a big decision. 

You wanted to tell her off or scream at her, but it was the end of the world. Maybe now was the time to mend the broken relationship between you and your parents. The threat of death every day had risen significantly and you weren’t sure that you actually wanted to die without having some kind of decent relationship with your parents. It might take a long time and it probably wouldn’t ever happen, but you knew you at least had to try.

With a deep breath you nodded your head in answer to Glenn. “I’ll talk to her,” you promised before you turned away from him and went in search of your mom.


	4. The Farm - Part Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The reader has an argument with her mom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry this update took so long! I got a new job and I've just been so exhausted. I'm hopefully going to get the next update posted sooner rather than later. Thank you to everyone for being so patient! 
> 
> Additional warnings for talk of abortion/hinting at abortion in this chapter.

There was a part of you that wasn’t sure if you actually wanted to find your mom. What the hell were you even going to say? How did you start this conversation? You knew that you were probably going to end up fighting, and while you really had no problem trying to get through to your mom, you were tired. Sleeping on top of the RV felt safe, but you would have felt better being higher up. 

It took you close to half an hour to track down your mom. You found her in the kitchen of the Greene home speaking to Patricia and Beth. You felt awkward standing in the doorway, watching your mom talk to both women, unsure if you should interrupt.

She must have realized you were standing there, though, because she glanced up after a couple of minutes of you standing there feeling awkward. 

“Hey, sweetheart. What’s wrong?”

You shifted on your feet, trying to ignore the feeling of unease that crept over you at the thought of having to go through with this conversation with your mom. “I have to talk to you about something.”

She studied you for a few seconds before she nodded her head and pushed herself away from the kitchen counter. “Come on,” she said as she ushered you out of the house. She started leading you towards the tent she shared with your dad, but you shook your head. 

“I want to make sure no one overhears us.” 

She gave you a confused glance, but she let you lead her towards the empty field just beyond the array of tents. This way, you could make sure that no one was eavesdropping, and you could keep a lookout in case there were any walkers in the area.

“What is it, baby?”

You hated how concerned she sounded. You knew that you needed to let go of a lot of the anger you felt towards your parents, but you couldn’t help it. In a lot of ways, your parents had wronged you. In a lot of ways, they didn’t even really feel like your parents. Hell, on the worst days of feeling unwanted, you remembered wishing that you were your Uncle Shane’s kid. You knew it wasn’t fair to think that now, though. You were an adult. You had gone through hell and back without your parents there for you. You had fought and barely survived and somehow ended up right back with them. Maybe you were supposed to be here, you couldn’t help but reason with yourself.

“Look, mom, Glenn talked to me.”

You saw her expression morph into one of horror. “What did he tell you?”

You sighed and glanced around to make sure no one was listening in. The closest people to the two of you were Carol and Daryl, but they were far enough away that they wouldn’t be able to hear you.

“He said you’re pregnant. He said you’re thinking of trying to get rid of the baby.”

Your mom looked like she was a few seconds away from tracking down Glenn and trying to make him regret ever spilling her secret. Her reaction was the only confirmation you needed. 

“Well, I think you should get rid of it.”

Her eyes widened in shock. “Excuse me?”

You shrugged your shoulders, knowing you were playing a dangerous game, but if your mom really wanted to not have a baby in this kind of world, then you had to make sure she really knew what she was doing. “You and dad weren’t ready for me. I grew up feeling like I wasn’t wanted most of the time. If you two had a kid now, who knows how hard it’s going to be for them? Especially when we could all die at any second.” You held up a hand when it looked like she was going to say something. “I’m not mad. Not anymore. But you should really think about this before you make any decisions. And please just talk to dad.”

You noticed tears were starting to well up in your mom’s eyes. You knew you should feel bad for making her cry, but you honestly didn’t have it in you. You wanted to go see Daryl and set up a time to get some lessons from him. You wanted to go see Carl and make sure he was feeling better. You wanted to figure out how the hell you were going to cope with a group of people when you were used to looking out for yourself and no one else. 

“I don’t think it’s any of your business what I decide to do, Y/N. You’re my child and shouldn’t have to worry about something like this.”

You couldn’t help but laugh in disbelief. “You’re kidding me, right? After everything, you’re saying I shouldn’t worry about this? About you? The woman who could barely take care of one child, let alone two?” You knew you were about to head into dangerous territory, but you could feel all of the anger starting to bubble up inside you. You felt like you were about to explode with the amount of rage you felt. You lowered your voice as you took a step closer to her. “What about all of those times that Carl called me in tears? Those times you accused dad of not loving you or Carl right in front of Carl? Those times you told me I had to go spend the night at Uncle Shane’s because you and dad needed a break? Or the time you’d cart me out in front of your friends when you wanted to look like a good mom, but the second they were gone, I wasn’t so important anymore? How about those times I took care of Carl when you and dad wanted a night out? When have you ever really treated me like you’re my mother?” You stopped the flow of words that seemed to want to continue, but you could feel yourself starting to shake. You felt anxious and tired and you just wanted to be anywhere other than with your mom. 

“Baby, I don’t know what to say. I screwed up, okay? I should have been a better mother to you. I shouldn’t have fought with your father in front of Carl. I know that. But we’re all we have left now. I can’t lose you too.”

You shook your head, slowly backing away from your mom. “Oh, mom,” you said with a sigh. “You lost me a long time ago.” You turned away and walked straight to Daryl’s tent, knowing that you needed someone to distract you from the fight you just had with your mom. 

You were glad to see that Carol wasn’t still talking to Daryl, because you weren’t sure if you could deal with hearing her thank you again or asking if you wanted to see Sophia. You didn’t want Sophia to see you while you were in such a bad mood. You were worried you would snap at her and she definitely didn’t deserve that. If anything, Daryl was grumpy most of the time. He probably wouldn’t even notice if you were in a bad mood.

You stomped over to his camp where you found him sitting outside, working on cleaning a few squirrels he had obviously hunted. 

“You know, next time you go hunting, you should take me with you.”

He glanced up at you, squinting in the late morning sunlight. “You sure your parents will let you?”

You rolled your eyes as you sat down beside him. “I’m an adult. They don’t tell me what to do.”

He offered you a look that suggested he didn’t believe you, but he let the subject drop. “Sure,” he allowed after a few minutes of you watching him work. “Long as you don’t mind the longer trips.”

You thought that sounded amazing, since you were sure he was talking about getting away from camp for longer than a few hours. “Have any idea when you’re going to leave?”

Daryl shrugged his shoulders before finally glancing up at you, making eye contact for the first time in what felt like forever. You had to stop yourself from just studying him since you didn’t want to give away the fact that you had a crush on him. “I’ll probably head out in a couple of days. I’ve been wanting to find a deer, but it probably won’t happen with those dead fucks out there always stealing them.”

You nodded your head, knowing that you had fought a walker or two for your own meal when they stumbled across whichever animal you were trying to catch so you had something to eat at night when you finally let yourself take a break. 

Daryl considered you for a moment before he put down the squirrel he was working on. “You wanna talk about it or something?”

You were mortified by the thought that you might have been shouting loud enough for Daryl to hear you, but you didn’t really feel like rehashing the argument you just had with your mom. “I just kind of want to sit here for a little bit if that’s okay with you.”

Daryl offered you a timid smile before he nodded his head. “As long as you don’t mind the guts,” he said before nudging your shoulder.

You shook your head, feeling amused for the first time in what felt like forever. “I’ve seen worse.”

He nodded his head and got back to work. 

You spent at least half an hour sitting there watching Daryl work. Once he was done with the squirrels, he went about cleaning off his arrows. You felt better once he was almost done with those. You knew that it was almost time for lunch, so you decided that you would go see Carl before too much time passed. You were sure he was just as anxious to see you as you felt to see him. 

“I’m going to go see my little brother,” you said as you pushed yourself up from the ground. You stopped before you got too far away from Daryl. You turned back to look at him, smiling at him. “Thanks for this, Dixon. It helped me a lot.”

Daryl dipped his head in acknowledgement. “Any time, squirrel.”

You frowned at him. “Did you just call me a squirrel?”

Daryl grinned at you and nodded. “Because you like climbing trees.”

“You do realize you just spent the past half hour gutting and skinning a bunch of squirrels right in front of me?”

Daryl looked sheepish for a moment. “I didn’t say it had to stick.”

You couldn’t help but grin at him. “No, keep it, it’s perfect.” You turned and walked back up towards the house, knowing that if you stayed there talking to Daryl, then you ran the risk of saying something that would ultimately embarrass you. Besides, the fact that he saw fit to give you a nickname had done more than enough to lift your spirits. 

You crossed your fingers with hope that you wouldn’t run into either of your parents while you walked to Carl’s room in the Greene’s home. You didn’t want to deal with any awkward conversations you might have with either of them. Thankfully, they were nowhere in sight. You poked your head into Carl’s room and saw that he was sleeping. You decided to sit in the chair beside his bed for a while and talk in a low voice to him, detailing your adventures while you had been on your own. 

You were just recounting a time when you had raided a grocery store that was in the process of already being raided when someone cleared their throat from the doorway. You glanced up to see your dad standing there, looking at you as if he was unsure of his welcome. 

You nodded your head and got up from your chair. You weren’t sure if you would be able to talk to your dad at that moment without telling him what happened with your mom. You could only hope that if she hadn’t told him about the pregnancy yet, then she would soon. You weren’t sure if you could break the news to your dad. Hell, at this point, you weren’t even sure how to talk to your dad anymore. You felt like you didn’t belong here. There was that restless feeling creeping up on you that told you to get out while you still had a chance.

One glance down at your little brother was all you needed to remind you why you were staying. No matter what, you weren’t going to leave your brother again. If only because you felt like you were the only one capable of protecting him. Not to mention, if your mom was really pregnant, then you might have another sibling to look after in all the chaos. 

As you moved to leave the room, your dad reached out to grab your arm. “I need to talk to you.”

You sighed and shook your head. “Not now, okay? Later.” You glanced up at his face and realized he looked almost desperate to talk. “Please,” you stressed. “I just kind of want to be alone right now.”

Rick sighed and took a step back, allowing you to pass him. “Just don’t go off too far, okay? It’s not safe.”

You had to stop yourself from reminding him that you had mostly been alone for months now, but you figured you would let him be a dad this once if it would make him feel better. 

You walked outside, thinking that you’d go see Daryl again before you found a place to be by yourself for a while, but something stopped you from walking back over to Daryl’s tent. Carol had taken your place sitting beside the grumpy archer and she was grinning at him. That usually wouldn’t have caused you to worry, but you caught the look on their faces. Carol was laughing about something, a smile on her face that made her look so carefree and happy. Daryl had a smirk on his face, as if he was proud of himself for making Carol react in such a way. You felt like you were intruding. Maybe they were together. Maybe that was the reason Daryl was so hellbent on finding Sophia. Maybe you had no right to him at all.

You felt crushed for the first time in months. You felt like there was a weight that was sinking in your stomach that would bring you down to the ground. You couldn’t take it anymore. Maybe you were overreacting. Maybe they were just friends. However, you had been fooled once before into thinking you were with someone who had no one else. You didn’t want to put yourself in that position again. If you could only be friends with Daryl, then that was fine. You just didn’t want a front row seat to his relationship with Carol. 

You wanted to get as far away as you could, so you scanned the edge of the property. You were sure that the woods offered a tree that would afford you a safe place to hide for a while. You took off towards the trees, hoping that no one noticed you sneaking away. 

It took you at least ten minutes to cross the property and find a tree that would afford you some privacy. Once you were far enough away from the ground, you took a deep breath for the first time in what felt like forever. You felt safe up there. You had a good view of the sky and you knew, that if you could get away with it, you would rather stay there for the night so you could stargaze in peace. 

You were only there for what you were sure was only half an hour before you heard someone talking. You glanced down, wondering if it was a stranger, or someone you knew, before you spotted Shane and Andrea walking along the edge of the woods. You strained to hear what they were talking about, wondering if it was something important. 

You managed to hear something about lessons and possibly leaving before you saw Andrea lean forward and kiss Shane. You averted your eyes, feeling awkward and wondering if you should make yourself known. If they were about to do what you assumed they were out here to do, then you definitely didn’t want to have to witness any of it. 

“Not here,” you heard Shane say before there were more rustling noises. 

You chanced a glance down to see that Andrea and Shane weren’t there anymore. You let out a sigh of relief before you decided to pick another spot to hang out by yourself. You contemplated walking further into the woods before you spotted a barn that was far enough away from the house and everyone else that you could probably find your peace there. 

You walked over to the barn, hoping that there was no one else in there. There was a lock on the doors, so you stepped back and walked around the building, looking for a place to climb up. It was only when you had finally managed to find a ladder that would take you up to the loft that you realized something was wrong.

There was a chorus of groans coming from below your feet. You knew that sound. You had spent months living in fear of hearing what was coming from the barn floor below you. You slowly moved towards the edge of the loft, squinting in the darkness to get a glimpse of what you suspected was down there. 

The slow, jerky movements of several bodies below your feet was all you needed to see before you pulled yourself back away from the ledge. 

“Oh fuck,” you whispered to yourself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I've been trying to blend in some of the comics in with the show for this fic, so I've come to a very important crossroads in my planning for this fic. What the heck should I do about Judith? If you read the comics, then you know what happens. If you watch the show, then you know what happens. But they're completely different and I have no idea what I should do. Any opinions would be greatly appreciated! 
> 
> Also, I'm thinking after this fic, I might branch out and try some Marvel or Stranger Things fics. So, if you like those, then I might be posting some in the future. :)


	5. The Farm - Part Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader tries to handle the realization that there is a barn full of walkers on the Greene property in the best way possible.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I suck and that this update took way too long to get out. I promise to have the next one out sooner. My job just kind of took over my life, but I'm finally back to a place where I think I can start writing again. Thank you to everyone for your patience.

Countless questions raced through your mind as you carefully walked back over to the ladder and climbed down as quickly as you could. What were you supposed to do with this information? 

You suddenly didn't trust Hershel or the Greene family. Why would they keep a barn full of walkers around? Especially when they could escape and kill everyone. You couldn't help but think back to a moment when you were alone on the road. 

You had come across a home that was crawling with walkers. You could hear screams and even though you tried to get to the house before they stopped, it still felt like the worst defeat when there was silence. 

You had the urge to go get Carl and run away. If those walkers got out and took everyone by surprise, it could be a bloodbath. You took a second to stop and take a deep breath, your gaze focused on the Greene home. You weren't sure what to do. Hershel had seemed like such a sensible man. You hated to think that he was keeping the barn full of walkers for anything nefarious. Still, when you glanced back at the barn, you couldn't help but shudder at the thought of all of those walkers unleashed on the people you had come to know. 

You knew you had to tell someone, but you weren't sure how to go about it. You spotted Glenn, but you had a feeling that telling him right now would be a bad idea. You could talk to your dad, but you didn't feel like confronting him. Your mind then went to Daryl and you couldn't help but wonder if he would know what to do. You could tell he was kind of a hothead, but he was one of the only people you actually knew here. It wasn't like Carl could do anything. You didn't really know Carol that well and Sophia wouldn't be a lot of help. You sure as hell weren't going to talk to your mom right now. And while you loved Shane as if he were a member of your family, you couldn't imagine that going to him with this information would actually turn out all that well. 

You took a deep breath, hoping that Daryl was alone, before you set out to find him. Thankfully, he hadn't moved too far away from his tent. He was sitting down on a pile of wood that had been left out. 

"Hey," you said, squinting at Daryl, walking slowly towards him because you weren't completely sure you should tell Daryl about your discovery. You really didn't know him well enough to know how he was going to react. You wanted to tell him, but there was a part of you that was too apprehensive at the thought that he could handle the information in the worst way possible. 

"Hey, Squirrel." Daryl smirked at you before he looked back down at the arrow in his lap, twisting it over and over again as if it would change before his eyes. 

You couldn't help but feel a little thrill at the sound of your nickname. It was something he had picked out just for you and you were already attached to it. You glanced around at the camp as you approached him and then over to the Greene house. You felt anxious. You felt unsure. You thought about just making a break for the RV or maybe to the forest for a tree to climb. But when you glanced back up at Daryl and saw him looking at you expectantly, you couldn't help but feel overwhelming trust for the man. You barely knew him, but the fact that you wanted to know everything about him had convinced you all the more. 

Besides, it wasn't like you could just keep this information to yourself. 

"What's wrong?" Daryl was squinting up at you, his head tilted a bit to the side like he was trying to assess you for any possible damage. 

"There's something I have to show you." You weren't sure why you couldn't just tell him, but you knew that if you could get him over to the barn, then he'd know just how much danger everyone was in. 

Daryl sighed and stood up. He took the time to shoulder his crossbow and make sure he had a couple of arrows on him before he nodded for you to lead him. 

It felt like you were marching yourself to your doom. You kept glancing over your shoulder as you led Daryl over to the barn, making sure that no one else noticed what you were doing. You didn't even have to get him to climb the ladder to the loft. There were grey, decaying fingers peeking out through the gap in the barn doors. You could hear the moaning and hissing now that you were closer to the building. 

"Shit," Daryl grunted before he put an arm out, practically herding you away from the barn. "What the hell is that old man thinking?" 

You glanced back at the barn and then up to the Greene house. You thought about everything Hershel and his family had done for you and your family. For the group. He saved your brother. He let everyone stay on his property when he could have told everyone to get lost. He could have done a lot of things to hurt the people you had come to know, but he didn't. You considered the barn again and then shook your head. "He's sentimental." 

"What?" Daryl was glaring around, like he was sure there were walkers just hiding out in the woods ready to ambush him. 

"Those walkers in there," you said as you gestured towards the barn. "They must be important to him." 

"How the hell would they be important? They're dead." 

You shook your head, knowing that it was a stretch, but you couldn't help but think that there was only one reason why Hershel was holding onto the dead. "He knows them. They're probably family. Or friends. He's protecting them because he thinks he can save them." Your heart broke at the thought of Hershel and his family risking their lives to save those who couldn't be saved. You thought of your roommates back at college. You thought of the friends you knew were dead. You thought of the teacher you had made an idiot out of yourself for thinking that he loved you when he was married all along. You thought of all the people you wished you could save but were torn apart before you could even try. You knew there was no saving the walkers in the barn, because there was no way to cure them, but the thought that Hershel wanted to try and held onto the hope that they could be humans again told you everything you needed to know about the man. 

"He's an old fool," Daryl spat. "He can't save them," he said before he took off towards the camp. 

You followed him, jogging to catch up with him. "What are you going to do?" 

"What you should have done," Daryl said, his strides quick and sure as he closed in on the group of tents. "I'm going to tell your father." 

You opened your mouth to protest, because you weren't quite sure that was the answer, but you weren't able to talk to Daryl before he closed in on the tent your father and mother shared. 

"Rick!" Daryl called. 

"Daryl, let's just wait. It's not the right time." 

Daryl shook his head and pressed forward, waiting outside the tent as your father ducked outside, giving you a concerned look before he glanced at Daryl. "What's going on?" 

"That barn," Daryl started, pointing over towards the building. "It's full of walkers." 

Rick glanced from the barn to Daryl and then to you, as if asking you for confirmation. You slowly nodded your head, feeling like you were at the edge and one wrong step would send everything tumbling down. 

Your dad sighed and then offered Daryl a pleading look. "Let me talk to Hershel about this. He's a reasonable man." 

Daryl scoffed and shook his head, taking a step away from Rick. "He's going to get us all killed. I'm not going to wait around for you to help him." Daryl stormed off and you had to fight down the instinct to follow him. 

"Just let him cool down," your dad offered, reaching out to put a reassuring hand on your shoulder. "We've all been through a lot. He lost his brother not too long ago, you know?" 

You shook your head. "Not really." 

Rick offered you a reassuring smile before he took a step away from you. "I'll go talk to Hershel. See if we can get this all straightened out." 

You nodded your head and watched your dad walk away towards the Greene home. 

"Y/N!" You turned your head to see Sophia and Carl coming towards you. 

You felt a smile stretch across your face as you ran to greet the kids. "You're up!" You couldn’t help but welcome the distraction of seeing your baby brother up and out of that bed. He looked so happy and healthy that you almost immediately forgot about everything that had just happened with the barn, Daryl, and your father. 

Carl grinned and nodded his head at you. He lifted his shirt to show you the bandages that were wrapped tightly around his abdomen. You hated the thought of your baby brother scarred forever because of a careless mistake. You wrapped him in your arms, careful to be gentle. You pulled Sophia into the hug as well, not wanting to leave the girl out of any source of comfort she might find. You couldn't even begin to imagine how terrible it was to grow up in this new world. You wanted to protect them more than anything from the harsh realities of the decaying and fractured world they would have to adapt to. 

"Let's go see what your mom is up to, Sophia," you said before you steered them over towards Carol's tent. You were apprehensive about spending time with her, since you weren't sure about her relationship with Daryl, but you didn't want to keep Sophia from her mom. 

"Hey," you said to Carol as you approached her. She was folding clothes and when she glanced up and saw you had Sophia with you, a smile lit up her face. 

"There's my girl," Carol said as she held out her arms for her daughter. Sophia ran into her mother's embrace, and you couldn't really stop the pang of jealousy you felt. You wished your relationship with your mother was better. But at this point, even at the end of the world, you weren't sure if you could repair it. 

You sat down and offered Carol a smile. "Need some help?" 

She nodded her head and gestured towards the pile of clothes to her right. "That would be wonderful." 

You spent the afternoon watching Carl and Sophia play while you helped Carol with whatever she needed help with. You didn't see Daryl again, but about an hour into helping sort out the laundry with Carol, your dad stepped out of the Greene home. He met your eyes and nodded at you, but didn't indicate that he wanted to talk. You figured that maybe he would tell you what was going on, but you didn't see your dad for the rest of the day. 

That night, you climbed up onto the top of the RV, exchanged a few words with Dale who was on watch, and then fell asleep. By the time you woke up, you had almost managed to forget about the threat on the property of the Greene home. One look at the barn as you stepped away from the RV that morning was enough to remind you. 

You noticed Glenn talking to Shane, your mom, Carol, and Daryl and you couldn't help but wonder what they were talking about. You walked over to the group, noticing that Dale and Andrea were walking to join the conversation as well. Shane looked like he was two seconds away from storming off and your mom looking shocked. You only had to take one look at Daryl's face to know what the subject of the discussion was, but you still couldn't help but hope that you were wrong. 

“What’s going on?” You stepped forward so that you were close enough to the group to be part of the discussion, but far enough away that they hopefully didn’t see you as an intrusion. 

Daryl glanced over at you and shook his head. “You know what’s going on. Glenn here is just confirming it for everyone else.” 

Shane leaned towards you. “You knew about the walkers in the barn?” 

You flinched, hating how it sounded as if he was accusing you. Daryl grunted something under his breath before he moved to stand in front of you, facing Shane. “She told me about it. We told Rick. As far as I can tell, nothing came of that.” 

Glenn nodded his head. “I discovered them too. I promised Maggie I wouldn’t tell anyone, but Dale found out too and we thought everyone else should know.” 

Dale shrugged his shoulders, glancing around the group. “It’s a safety issue more than anything.” 

“We need to do something about this,” Shane said, taking a step closer to the center of the group. You hated how frenzied he had become. You could barely recognize the man who had read you bedtime stories and bought you whatever toy you desired. You weren’t even sure if you could call this man Uncle Shane anymore and that broke your heart more than anything. Something had happened to him since the world broke and you knew you had to get to the bottom of it. Maybe if you could get him back, then it would start to fix things. 

It took you a few moments to realize that Lori was watching you. No, she was watching the way Daryl was trying to protect you from Shane. You didn’t have the heart to tell him that Shane would never hurt you. You didn’t know what to make of your mom’s calculating stare, or if she had somehow been able to read about your crush on the older man by the expression on your face. Either way, you didn’t want to give her anything. You turned your focus towards Shane and what he was saying. 

"I think we need to take care of the problem," he said, staring around at everyone as if daring them to argue. 

"I agree," Andrea said, sharing a look with Shane. 

You tried to tamp down the urge to roll your eyes. There was something about Andrea that you just didn't like. She seemed too eager to prove herself. She was going to get someone killed with that kind of attitude, and you just hoped that it wasn't your brother. 

"What the fuck does he think he's doing?" Shane seethed as he took off towards the direction of the barn. 

You snapped out of your contemplation of Andrea and looked over to see your dad and Hershel leading two walkers over towards the barn. You felt yourself freeze, knowing that whatever happened now would change things forever. You weren't sure how you knew, but as you ran off after Shane, you couldn't help but feel like maybe this was the beginning of the end.


	6. The Farm - Part Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The reader has a very important conversation with Shane and tries to keep everything from falling apart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning y'all about the mentions of attempted suicide and a mention of abortion in this chapter. Please take care of yourselves and if that kind of thing triggers you, then please be warned you might not want to read this chapter.

"Shane, don't!" You were trying to catch up, but Shane had gotten a head start. Before you could even think about talking some sense into him, he was already almost to your dad and Hershel. 

"What the hell do you think you're doing? We have kids here!" Shane pointed back towards Sophia and Carl who were watching everything unfold with wide eyes. 

"Shane, this is what Hershel wants. We have to respect his wishes." You could see the fear in your father's eyes. He knew that Shane was probably only seconds away from snapping. 

"I knew these two, young man," Hershel said, his voice cracking with grief as he glanced at the two walkers snarling and trying to escape. "They were good people. It's not too late for them." 

Shane shook his head, his face twisting up in disbelief. "You're delusional," he spat, moving until he was close enough to Hershel and your dad to be a threat to them. You watched as everyone moved to crowd around the two while still staying out of range of the two captive walkers. You glanced over your shoulder to see that Carl was slowly sneaking forward and you knew that this wasn't the time for him to try to get mixed up in whatever was about to happen. You reached forward and grabbed Carl by the back of his shirt, being careful not to be too rough since you knew he was still healing. 

You quickly slipped over towards Carol. She was trying to shield Sophia from what was going on and you knew that if you were going to trust anyone else with your brother, you could trust Carol. "Hey, I need to go knock some sense into them," you told Carol as you nodded over towards where things were heating up with the group. "Can you take Carl and Sophia into the house so they don't see what's going on?" 

Carol nodded her head and reached out towards Carl. "Of course." 

"But I don't want to go!" Carl stared up at with you with pleading eyes but you were quick to shake your head. 

"Carl, get your ass in that house or I'm telling mom and dad about the time you broke mom's favorite angel." 

Carl's eyes widened in shock before he shook his head. "Mom won't care about that." 

You raised an eyebrow at him, daring for him to argue with you. "I bet she'll be more upset you lied to her than anything." 

Carl frowned up at you before he rolled his eyes and took off for the Greene home. Carol shared a smirk with you before she tugged Sophia towards the house, making sure that Carl wasn't out of her sight for too long. 

You turned back just in time to see Shane raise his gun and shoot one of the walkers in the head. You felt your insides freeze in shock for one moment before you ran forwards towards the group. There was something very wrong with the man you had grown up calling your uncle and you knew that if something wasn't done soon then it would break the camp apart. 

Once Shane took out that one walker, it seemed that all hell broke loose. Before you could get close enough to stop him, Shane had opened up the doors of the barn and it seemed like everyone was opening fire on the walkers that crept out of the building. You couldn't help but watch in horror as Shane, Andrea, Daryl and even your father all took care of the walkers. You noticed the looks of devastation and hurt on the faces of Hershel, Beth, Maggie, and Patricia. You were watching their whole world fall apart all over again and you couldn't help but hate Shane in that moment. 

You slowly migrated over towards Beth while everything was going on, because you knew that she was the most likely to fall apart over this. She was so young and she was watching her family die in front of her all over again. You couldn't even imagine what that would be like. You knew Shane was right to take care of the walkers in the barn. There was no healing the dead, no matter how much Hershel had hoped to save them. You knew that the walkers coming out of the barn were more of a liability than anything, but it didn't have to go this way. Shane had just forced the Greene family to lose their family all over again and you couldn't help but feel your heart break for them. 

You noticed Beth slowly inching forward until she broke out into a run once all of the walkers were put down. You followed right behind her, because you knew that it wasn't a good idea to let her get close to all of those walkers. You heard your dad call your name as you moved closer, right behind Beth as she reached out towards one of the walkers. You pulled your knife out of the waistband of your jeans, realizing that the walker she was trying to embrace was most likely not dead yet. The second it stirred and hissed, trying to pull Beth closer to sink its teeth into her, you moved forward to push her back. Before the walker could get its hands on you, you stabbed it in the head. 

You could hear Beth sobbing behind you and Maggie rushing forward to console her sister. You felt eyes on you and when you looked back, you noticed your mom staring at you with her hand covering her mouth. Your dad was halfway between you and Hershel, as if he had rushed forward to save you from the walker that you could only guess was once Beth's mother. 

You took a deep breath before you moved towards Beth, offering Maggie an unsure smile. "We should get her back to the house." 

Maggie nodded her head and let you help usher Beth up towards the Greene home. You glanced back over at the group behind you and motioned for Jimmy to follow, since he might be able to do something to help Beth. As you glanced down at the girl with her wide, shocked eyes and trembling hands, you could only hope that this wouldn't mess her up forever.

***

Everything seemed to blur together in a rush of events for a little bit after that. Beth collapsed from shock. Hershel seemed to disappear. Your dad and Glenn had left to go find him. Maggie refused to let Shane into the house and you really didn't blame her. Daryl was acting weird. Your father seemed to be falling apart at the seams with pressure and you couldn’t help but feel nervous about the fact that he wasn’t at the camp.

Thankfully, Carl and Sophia had missed what happened to the walkers from the barn and your mother had done her best to avoid you. Shane was acting like he had done nothing wrong and Andrea was right there with him. There was a fire starting in your gut that you knew would make you explode sooner or later with the anger that was starting to consume you. 

You were angry with your parents. You were angry with Shane. You were angry with Andrea. You were angry with the whole world for crashing and burning. You didn't have an outlet now. You were so used to being by yourself and killing walkers every day. You were used to surviving and only relying on yourself to get you through the day. Now you had your baby brother and future sibling. You had a whole group that was falling apart as each hour passed and you weren't even sure what you were going to do anymore. 

The last straw for you was when Andrea left Beth alone to figure out if she wanted to commit suicide or not. You could feel your boiling point approaching and you weren't completely sure about whether or not you would ruin everything or allow yourself to go and blow off steam somewhere else. When you heard that Andrea had been kicked out of the Greene home, you decided to track her down. You weren't sure what was going to happen, but you couldn't help but feel like you needed to have a talk with her before she did something even more reckless. 

You found her close to camp and opened your mouth before you were even completely sure about what was going to come out. "What the fuck is your problem?" You leaned up against the tree closest to where Andrea was going through a bag of supplies. 

She glanced up at you and scowled. "Excuse me?" 

"I don't know what the fuck is wrong with you, but you don't basically encourage someone to kill themselves." 

"I didn't mean for that to happen," she said. She sat back with a satisfied smirk on her face. "But she figured out that she really wanted to be here. That's what matters." 

You shook your head, clenching your hands into fists as you took a step closer. "I heard what you told them. I know you lost your sister." You saw her flinch at that, but you decided to keep going. "Little sister, huh? Bet you would have done anything for her. Bet you would have thrown yourself between her and a whole herd of walkers, right? If someone had done to your little sister what you did to Beth, what would you have done? Can you really blame Maggie for hating you right now?" 

She frowned at that before she stood up. "What's your point?" 

"My point," you said as you took another step closer, "is that if you ever pull a stunt like that again, I'll take care of you myself." 

She opened her mouth to protest and you could see the fury begin to build in her frame. "You better shut the hell up," she said on a hiss. "You don't know what the fuck you're talking about." 

"I think I do," you pointed out. "I think that you've been with a group this whole time. I think you've gotten soft, but you think you're tough. You're not," you growled. "Your sister wouldn't want you to act this way. I would never forgive someone who left Carl alone at one of his weakest moments and encouraged him to just end it all. You don't get to do shit like that. Not now. I don't care if _you_ want to die, but you better not ever pull something like that with Carl." 

She scoffed at you, but you could tell that you had unnerved her. You knew bringing up her sister was a low blow, but you needed her to think things through without reacting and thinking that her way was the best way. You had learned quickly that that was the only surefire way to get everyone around you killed. 

"Just think about it," you finished, taking a few steps away from her. "Think about everything. You're going to get people killed going on the way you have," you said as you turned away from her and started walking away. 

"Where are you going?" She called after you. 

"I'm going to find my uncle," you answered, hoping that you could get through to him before he did something he would regret. 

It didn't take you long to find Shane leaning up against the side of the RV. He was glaring off into the distance, his shoulders tense as if he was seconds away from storming off. 

"Hey," you said as you moved closer to him. 

He glanced up at you, looking like he was ready for a fight, before he deflated at the sight of you. "Hey, girl," he said. "What's going on?" 

You knew that if you confronted him like you did with Andrea then he wouldn't listen to a word you had to say. You nodded over towards the field, hoping for some privacy. "Can we have a talk?" 

He studied you for a few moments before he nodded his head. He crouched down and picked up the gun he had stashed just under the RV. "After you," he said, glancing all around before following you out into the middle of the field that separated the camp from the woods. 

Once you were far enough away from the camp that you were sure no one would overhear, you turned to look at your uncle, sure that he would have your back if a walker somehow wandered towards the both of you. It still didn't stop you from checking over your shoulder every few moments. 

"I need to talk to you." 

Shane gave you an amused look before he rolled his eyes. "I figured." 

"Look," you sighed. "I know about you and mom." It wasn’t hard to figure out. It especially wasn’t hard when you heard your mom talking about it with your dad. All of the looks between Shane and your mom confirmed it. There were too many awkward and stilted moments with too much weight behind them. There was a huge suspicion you had been carrying around with you that Shane might actually be the father of the baby your mother was carrying. But because everyone in your family was so terrible about actually owning up to things, you had to speculate about basically everything. 

Shane froze at that, his expression closing off as he fixed his gaze just over your shoulder. "There's nothing to worry about now. She made herself clear." 

You considered your uncle for a few seconds before you looked over your shoulder. Once you saw that the coast was clear, you reached out to squeeze Shane's shoulder. "Look, you're still my uncle. Have you turned into a major dick after the world fell apart? Yeah," you answered before he could say something. "You know what you did with the barn was wrong. You've been fighting with my dad every step of the way. I know you think you know everything, but there's too much going on for you to have a pissing contest with my dad over every decision." 

"There's more to it than that," Shane got out, his jaw clenched so tight you were almost sure his teeth would shatter with just a bit more pressure. 

"I figured," you said, not being able to resist the urge to mock him just a little bit. "Look, I think you fucked up. There's no way the Greenes are going to trust you now. You're having some weird dick measuring contest with my dad. And you fucked my mom." 

"Language," Shane scolded you before he caught himself. 

"I'm not five anymore, Uncle Shane. The world has changed. We've all changed." You took a step closer to him, hating how he winced away from you. "I love you, okay? You're always going to be my uncle. You're always going to be the guy who let me spend the night at his place when my parents were fighting. You were always there for me when my parents made me feel like I was a mistake." You could feel tears begin to slowly track down your cheeks and you reached up a hand to wipe them away quickly. 

"Hey, hey," Shane said, reaching out to pull you into a hug. "You're always wanted, okay? Your parents just weren't the best about showing it. But when you showed up here, I saw the look on your dad's face. He looked like he couldn't believe that this miracle had just happened." 

You scoffed at that, trying not to be too obvious about drying your tears on the shoulder of Shane's shirt. "Then why didn't they look for me?" 

Shane stiffened at that before he pulled you in even tighter. "That's partly my fault. I'm sorry." 

You shook your head, moving to pull back from the hug and stare up at Shane. "It doesn't excuse years of being made to feel like they didn't even want me. You know, that one night when I ran away and came to your house and you let me sleep on the couch? I was wearing my stupid Lisa Frank pajamas and I had only grabbed my blanket and pillow. I wasn't even wearing shoes." 

He nodded his head, reaching out to wipe away the tears that were steadily rolling down your cheeks by now. "I had to call your parents and tell them you were spending the night at my place." You could tell he didn't even want to mention that your parents hadn't noticed you were even gone until he had called. 

"I overheard them fighting," you admitted. "And mom mentioned that maybe she should have had an abortion." You felt Shane flinch at the words, but you weren't willing to meet his eyes right at that moment, so you kept your gaze fixed on your shoes. "All I could think was that she never wanted me, but you always treated me like your kid. That's why I ran away that night. That's why I don't really have the best relationship with Lori." 

"Oh, kid," he sighed before he pulled you back into a hug. "Your mom loves you. Her and your dad were just going through a lot of things. That doesn‘t make up for how they treated you, I know. They talked about you all the time, though. Your mom always wondered how you were doing. Your dad wanted to come find you before Carl got shot. They love you." 

You shrugged your shoulders, not sure how to answer. You stood there with him for a long time before you finally looked up at him. He was still watching the tree line, making sure that no threats happened upon the two of you. "My point," you began as you stepped away from him, "is that I know the world has fucked everything up, but you can still be that man. You don't have to do this, Uncle Shane. You can fix things. You can lead this group with my dad. Just please don't get yourself killed trying to prove that you're what's best for my mom or something stupid like that. You're one of the most important people in the world to me and I want you here." 

He finally met your eyes, his expression softening. "Thanks, kid." 

You offered him a smile, glancing over your shoulder again. "I think you should apologize to Hershel. Just, the Greene family in general. And maybe my dad." You took a few seconds before you continued. "Maybe my mom, even though I know she treated you like shit." 

He considered you for a moment before he nodded his head. "You're right. It won't be easy, but I want to be here for you and Carl." 

"I'm holding you to that," you said with a grin, feeling like maybe things could turn themselves around after all. "You know," you started, feeling mischievous for the first time in what felt like years. "I always kind of thought you'd end up with my dad if their marriage ever went south." 

Shane spluttered at that, looking at you as if you'd lost your mind. "What the hell are you on about?" 

You shrugged your shoulders. "You just seem different with him. You're always more tender and caring with him. With my mom you're all rough and demanding. Even before the world went to shit. I always just kind of thought there was something between you two. Something more than friendship." 

You glanced at him, seeing the considering look on his face. You smirked at him and bumped his shoulder as you walked past him. "It was just an observation. Don't look like I just rocked your whole world." 

He laughed before following you back towards the camp. When you finally looked ahead of you, you noticed Daryl staring at you from where he was standing beside the RV. You almost froze in your steps, unsure about the look on his face, before you kept moving forward. 

It wasn't until you had gotten back to camp and Shane had wandered off in a different direction that you noticed your mom trying to sneak away towards one of the cars. You groaned and moved over towards her, because even though you had the worst and most complicated relationship with her, you knew when she was doing something dangerous and you hoped you got to her before she went through with whatever she had planned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not in love with this chapter, but it's kind of necessary, because I do want to save Shane. He's a jerk, I know, but I'm kind of trying to make him a more lovable character. It's like Rick said (in the comics or the show, I get them mixed up sometimes) that Shane was a good guy before the world ended. Plus, I kind of ship him with Rick, soooo...if y'all hate that idea, please let me know now before I start going down that road. 
> 
> Also, I promise there will be more Daryl and the reader interacting in the next chapter. Sorry that this was more of a filler in that respect. 
> 
> This chapter might be edited at some point. I'm way too tired to beta it right now.


	7. The Farm - Part Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The reader goes looking for her dad and runs into a problem.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, we're almost through with The Farm chapters. I'm thinking two or three more to go. Just to warn you now, there will be a lot of angst with the whole herd of walkers converging on the farm and everything. You know I can't quite pass up the opportunity for some angst.

"What are you up to?" You weren’t quite sure what your mom was in the middle of doing, but you were sure it couldn’t be anything good. 

Lori startled before she spun around to face you. 

"It's nothing," Lori started. 

You fixed her with an unimpressed look. "Look, I know we haven't gotten along lately, but I get the feeling you're about to do something stupid, and I really don't want that." 

Your mom sighed before she leaned back against the car. "I'm going to find your dad. He's been gone too long." 

"Why are you trying to sneak off to do that? Did you stop to think about Carl? Or the fact that you're pregnant?" 

"Of course I did," Lori assured you. "Carol is watching your brother. I already asked Daryl if he would go, but he turned me down." She seemed offended that Daryl would deign to tell her 'no.' 

"What did he say?" 

Lori sighed. "He said he wasn't my errand boy before he stomped off." 

You snorted at the thought of Daryl throwing a fit before you shook your head. You weren't sure what had managed to piss him off since the last time you saw him, but you figured it wasn't really your place to poke and prod at him until he spilled his secrets. 

"Look, I'll go look for dad." You reached out and grabbed the map your mom had been looking over. "You stay here and prove to me you're not a dumbass by going out alone and pregnant without telling anyone about it." 

Lori studied you for a moment before she frowned. "You're going to go out there alone?" 

You shrugged your shoulders. "I spent a lot of time by myself out there before I found you guys. I'll be fine." 

Lori nodded her head. "If you don't come back within a few hours, I'll send someone to go find you. And I'm sure you'll need this," she said as she handed over the gun she had tucked into the waistband of her jeans. 

You made sure you had your knife on you before you took the weapon. "I'll be back soon," you promised before you got into the car. You watched as your mom waved to you as you took off down the path that led to the main road. You glanced over the map while you slowly drove, hoping to get the route ingrained in your mind before you had to really pay attention to where you were going. 

You were sure you knew the way to town by the time you pulled onto the main road. You took a deep breath, knowing that this was dangerous. If you came across a herd or something while you were alone, then that would mean that you would probably have to make a break for it back to the farm to warn everyone. Or maybe you would have to distract the walkers and lead them away from the farm. You shuddered at the thought of never making it back to the farm. You were determined to get back to Carl and Sophia and your Uncle Shane. If you were being honest with yourself, then you would want to make it back to see your mom and dad as well. You grinned to yourself as you thought of the grumpy archer that seemed to steal all of your attention lately. Yeah, you would want to see Daryl too. 

Before you could fully react, something jumped out into the middle of the road. You swerved before you realized it was a deer that had leapt from the woods surrounding the road. It was too late to correct your mistake before the car hit the shoulder and tipped over. You felt your head hit the steering wheel as the car tumbled into the ditch before everything went dark. 

It seemed like you had just closed your eyes, but once you were able to open them again and feel aware of your surroundings, you realized that several hours had passed. The sky was dark now and you could only guess that it must be the middle of the night. The car was on its side now and there was a walker trying to reach you through the broken windshield. It took you way too long to fumble out of your seat and feel around for the knife that had gotten you through more than one dangerous situation. You struggled to get a good grip on the handle before you darted forward to drive the blade through the skull of the walker. You felt relief to know that you were out of immediate danger, but that didn't mean that there weren't more out there waiting to ambush you. 

You struggled to get out of the car, feeling uncoordinated and dizzy as you pushed yourself out of the driver’s side door. You dropped to the ground, looking at the car that was tipped on its side, glad that you were up and walking around and not dead or a walker. 

You quickly glanced around, searching for walkers, but thankfully there weren't any in the immediate area. You struggled to stand, glancing back at the car with a feeling of guilt. You didn't mean to waste a resource, but now your concern was getting back to the farm. You weren't sure if you were going the right way, feeling more disoriented than anything, but you knew you couldn't take long to stop and try to get your bearings. You knew you were only standing because of the adrenaline rushing through you and you weren’t sure when that was going to run out. You really didn’t want to pass out in the middle of the road. 

You stumbled off down the road in what you hoped was the right direction. You kept checking over and over that your knife and gun were still on you, not wanting to leave yourself without a way to defend yourself. 

You weren't sure how long you had been walking for before headlights blinded you. You squinted and brought a hand up to shield your eyes, hoping that you weren't about to be killed by another survivor. 

"Y/N!" Shane's voice drifted to you before you heard the footsteps running towards you. "Oh, kid, what the hell were you thinking?" 

Shane was suddenly standing in front of you. He had a disappointed frown on his face as he tilted your chin up, looking you over for injuries. He reached out to touch your forehead and you flinched, not realizing there was a cut there. 

There was a sound of a twig breaking off in the distance and Shane glanced all around before he ushered you to the truck he had driven to rescue you. "Let's get out of here," he said before he got you situated in the passenger seat. He jogged around the hood of the truck and got into the driver's seat. "Why don't you tell me all about why you decided to go on a suicide mission on the drive back?" 

You sighed and leaned back in the passenger seat. "Mom was going to go looking for dad, so I decided to do it instead. You know she can't navigate for shit." You had to stop yourself from revealing your mom's pregnancy to Shane. You definitely didn't want to drop that bombshell. 

"Both of you should have come to me. I'm sure Rick and Glenn will be back soon with Hershel. He's more than capable of taking care of himself." 

"And I'm not?" You asked, frowning over at your uncle. 

Shane raised an eyebrow at that before he nodded towards the cut that was still sluggishly bleeding on your forehead. 

"That was an accident. There was a deer." 

Shane chuckled at that before he turned on the road that would lead to the farm. "You're not supposed to hunt using a car." 

"Oh, ha ha," you said, rolling your eyes. "Ow," you groaned, putting a hand on your forehead. The headache you had been ignoring was slowly becoming too powerful to push away. 

"We're almost back, kid. Just hold on." 

You winced and rested your head on the window, trying to ignore the throbbing pain in your head. 

"You know your mom was freaking out." 

"I told her I'd come back,” you grumbled. 

"Yeah, well, I was freaking out too. And I think you spooked Daryl. I haven’t seen him like that since he lost his brother. He just about went running off to find you by himself before I told him I had it handled." 

You couldn't help but glance over at Shane at that. 

He smirked at you. "Is something going on there?" 

"No," you denied. "Isn't he with Carol?" 

Shane laughed at that. "They're friends, but I think that's it. I'm sure if you wanted to make your move, he'd be more than open." 

You sighed and settled for shaking your head. "There's no way to know that." 

"Yeah, well, if he hurts you, I'll kill him." 

"Uncle Shane, seriously?" 

Shane grinned at you and shrugged his shoulders. "You're like my kid. If I get to be overprotective, then that's even better." 

You scoffed and stopped yourself from shaking your head, knowing it would just make your headache worse. 

You were glad to see the farm come back into the view. After feeling so stranded earlier, you were relieved to know that you didn't have to handle everything alone. It felt like a complete turn-around from your previous feelings on being alone during the apocalypse. Before, you had felt like you were the only one you could count on to survive. Now, you trusted your Uncle Shane. You even trusted your dad to a certain degree to be there for you. You hoped you could somehow repair your relationship with your mother and be there for your little brother. There was so much you had to hope for that you couldn't help but feel scared that you would lose it all before you could even appreciate having it back. 

Once the truck pulled to a stop, you pushed yourself out of the passenger seat. 

"Y/N!" You looked up to see Carl running towards you. He threw his arms around your waist, causing you to stumble back into the truck. "I was so scared you weren't coming back." 

"You can't get rid of me that easily," you joked, careful not to squeeze Carl too tight, since you didn't want to irritate his gunshot wound. 

"What happened to ya?" 

You felt a warm rush pass through you at the gruff voice that was coming from just a few feet away. You glanced up to see Daryl considering you from where he was leaning up against the hood of the truck. 

Shane had walked around until he was standing just behind Daryl's shoulder and he waggled his eyebrows at you, winking as he gestured towards Daryl. You did your best to hold back the eye roll you felt the urge to give your Uncle Shane before you offered a smile to Daryl. "I just bumped my head." 

"Come on, buddy. We should go find your mom," Shane said as he reached forward to grab Carl by the shoulder. He steered him off towards camp, giving you one last glance before he disappeared from your view. 

"Do ya need any help getting that cleaned up?" 

You thought about what Shane said. Maybe Daryl was as interested in you as you were in him. If anything, there couldn't be any harm in letting Daryl get just a little bit closer to you. It might even help your case. 

You let him lead you over towards his tent. He gestured for you to sit down before he mumbled something and took off towards a different tent. It felt like no time at all before he was back, carrying a bottle of rubbing alcohol and a hand towel. He poured a little of the alcohol on the corner of the towel and slowly brought it up to your forehead, as if giving you time to prepare for the inevitable sting. 

You winced once he pressed the towel to your forehead, resisting the urge to squirm away from the towel. "Okay?" Daryl asked, studying your face as if looking for any reason to stop. 

"Yeah," you got out through gritted teeth. "So, my dad isn't back yet?" 

Daryl shook his head, dabbing at the wound on your forehead now, trying to clean up the dried blood. "Him and Glenn are still out there trying to get that old fool." 

You took a few seconds to think about how best to approach the subject on your mind. "Why didn't you go looking for him when my mom asked?" 

Daryl pulled back, a look of guilt passing over his face. "It doesn't matter." 

You shrugged your shoulders. "I don't blame you or anything." 

Daryl sighed before he went back to cleaning your wound. "Hold still," he grunted when you almost pulled away from the sting. "Look, I just don't have the best relationship with your mom." 

You couldn't help but snort at that. "Yeah, get in line." 

He offered you a small smile before he went back to work. "She's just all high and mighty all the damn time. I was already in a bad mood and I didn't like her ordering me around." 

"Why were you in a bad mood?" You couldn't help but ask. You knew that you weren't all that close with Daryl, but you wanted to be. It was the end of the world. If you didn't go after the only guy to grab your attention in what could possibly be your last days, then what was the point of anything? You could only hope that he confided in you now. Maybe getting hurt wasn't the worst thing to happen to you if it opened up a closer relationship between you and Daryl. 

Daryl shrugged his shoulders and didn't say anything for a few moments. "What's going on between you and Shane?" The question seemed so sudden and out of left field that you could only sit and blink at Daryl for a couple of seconds while you tried to reroute your brain to answer his question. 

"Shane? He's practically like my second dad," you said, wondering why Daryl was so interested. "I've always just thought of him as my uncle. He's been there for me my whole life." 

Daryl seemed to consider that for a few moments before his shoulders seemed to lose some of the tension he had been carrying around. "Oh," he said, not offering anything else before he sat back and considered the cut on your forehead. "Just keep that clean and I think you'll live," he offered with a smirk. 

You couldn't help but wonder why Daryl had asked you about Shane. You thought back to earlier when you realized Daryl had been observing you and Shane while you were talking out in the field. Was that what had put him in such a bad mood? Had he been jealous? You quickly disregarded the idea. There was no way Daryl was jealous of how close you were with Shane. Right? 

Before you could consider the idea for too long, you noticed an SUV driving up to the house. "My dad," you gasped, moving to stand up. You could see everyone else moving forward to greet the group that had just arrived. It was only when you got closer and heard screaming coming from the back of the SUV that you realized that instead of the three men you all were expecting, there was an extra person in the vehicle. 

As you watched Shane move to confront your dad, you couldn't help but feel like things were about to get complicated all over again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If any of y'all are still on Tumblr after the snap on the 17th, please feel free to follow me. My user name is bucky4cap45. :) I mainly reblog Marvel, Walking Dead, Supernatural, Merlin, horror, Star Trek, etc. There's so many fandoms, honestly. But if you want to follow me, just let me know I'll follow back. :) 
> 
> I'm going to try to get one more chapter in after Christmas and before 2019 begins. So until then, Happy Holidays! :)


	8. The Farm - Part Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader plays a game with Shane and learns more about him. Shane and Rick figure out what to do with Randall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's an implied instance of attempted non-con that the reader mentions when talking to Shane. It's a brief mention and the instance is in the reader's past before meeting the group. Just thought I would warn you guys.

The boy's name was Randall. You never realized how much trouble one person could stir up in the group until your dad, Glenn, and Hershel came back with a bleeding and crying kid who was babbling about mercy and wanting to live. 

You watched the way Shane and your dad fought over the kid. You watched the way Daryl kept an eye on Randall, not trusting that the kid wouldn't run at the first opportunity. It seemed that Dale was fighting for the kid's life, but everyone was on the fence about trusting him or not. You couldn't help but study Randall while the whole group seemed to debate what to do with him. You figured that Randall was older than you by a couple of years. He seemed like he was closing in on his mid-twenties. He looked older, but you couldn’t help but think of him as anything but a kid. He was constantly crying and begging for his life. You couldn’t be sure if it was just a way to disarm everyone into trusting him or if he really was that terrified. 

You didn't trust him. There was something in his eyes that had your guard up. Being alone for so many months, seeing the worst of the apocalypse and the downfall of humanity, had given you a sense about these kinds of things. There was something he wasn't telling the group. You had heard your dad talking about the kind of group he had come from. The men who would most likely do unspeakable things to the women. How they were so ready to kill your dad and Glenn and Hershel in the bar. 

The aftermath of your crash had quietly been swept under the rug in light of the hostage. Your mother had wrapped you in a quick hug, her hands lingering on your back as if she didn't want to let go. You had suddenly felt so tired in that moment. You weren't so sure why you were holding onto the anger you felt every time you had to talk to your mom. Sure, she usually made a mess of everything. She wasn’t the best mother to you growing up, but at least you knew that she had done her best for Carl. She was pregnant during the worst time possible and you weren't sure who the father really was. But, the more you thought about it, the more you realized that everyone was guilty of something. So, sure, she wasn't the ideal mother, but you were both alive and you were sure that you both had the time to mend your relationship. You couldn't help but hope that you weren't wrong about that. 

You were sitting with your back against the RV, watching the empty field for any sign of walkers, when someone sat down next to you. You glanced over to see your uncle Shane sitting there. 

"Took a break from interrogating the kid?" 

Shane huffed a laugh before he shook his head. "He won't tell us anything new. Your dad wants to cut him loose. Give him a fair shot at surviving." 

"And you?" You couldn't help but ask, even though you had a fairly good idea what Shane was thinking. 

"I don't think it's a smart idea to let him go." 

You nodded your head, staring out at the field again. "I agree." 

You could see Shane glance at you out of the corner of his eye. "Really?" 

"Dad doesn't get it, you know? He's lived through some shit, yeah, but there's so much more out there. It's not just the walkers we have to worry about." 

"You want to talk about it? Whatever happened to you out there?" 

You shrugged your shoulders. "There's too much to talk about." You weren't sure you would ever be able to cover everything that had happened since the end of the world. Hell, even before the world ended. You were carrying around guilt and resentment in spades and you knew it was going to eat you up inside. 

"I get that," Shane said, nodding his head. "There's a lot of shit I'd rather not fess up to." 

You squinted at Shane, a grin forming on your face. "Like your crush on my dad." 

Shane rolled his eyes, bumping his shoulder into yours. "Shut the hell up, kid. It's complicated." 

"Sure," you agreed, knowing it was only complicated because of your mom and the fact that Shane had had an affair with her while your dad was gone and presumed dead. You wondered if your mom and Shane had only used each other as a substitute for your dad. You grimaced at the thought, not really wanting to delve into the reasons behind the affair that everyone seemed to know about, but didn’t want to mention. "Want to play truth or truth?" 

"What the hell is that?" 

"It's a game. It's like truth or dare, but instead you trade a secret for a secret. Dealer's choice. No pointed questions. You just play to get to know someone better." 

Shane arched an eyebrow at that. "Is that something you learned at college?" 

You shook your head, not wanting to admit that you had last played the game to get to know the teacher you had a relationship with at school. There was a bitter, cynical part of you that hated that no matter how often you tried to get to know him, he still had never really let you in. He never told you anything important. He had left you to figure out everything on your own. But now, with one of the only people in the world you trusted, you wanted to use the game for good. You figured this was the only way you could get some things off your chest and still use it under the guise of the game. 

"I'll go first," you volunteered. You stared out at the field for a few moments, trying to figure out what you were going to tell the man who was practically your uncle. The more you thought about it, the more you realized that Shane was probably your best friend. There wasn’t anyone else you trusted more than him. You knew that it was dangerous to trust anyone these days, but you also knew that he would never hurt you. 

"I might have a crush on Daryl," you finally admitted with a blush, feeling your cheeks heating up as you glanced down at your shoes. 

Shane chuckled at that before he reached out to put a hand on your shoulder. "I already knew that, but okay, it's my turn." He was silent for a few moments before he sighed and shook his head. "This is harder than I thought," he muttered. "I might have had a crush on your dad back in high school." 

You whipped your head to the side to stare at Shane with wide eyes. You never thought he would actually admit to it. You remembered growing up and the way your uncle would stare at your dad whenever he wasn't looking. He always looked like he was in awe of Rick and like he would do anything for him. You weren't even sure if he knew that he still looked at your dad that way. "Just in high school?" You asked with a sly smile. 

"It's your turn, kid," he grunted, ignoring your question. 

"Fine," you said, trying to think of something else. You realized that maybe your uncle would be more willing to open up about things if you offered a deeper secret of your own. "No judgement?" You had to check. 

He considered you for a moment and then nodded his head. "As long as you don't judge me." 

"Deal," you agreed. You took a deep breath before staring out at the field again. "I had a relationship with a coach when I was back at school." 

"What?" Shane shouted, causing you to flinch away. "Wait. I'm sorry, kid. That just surprised me. How much older than you are we talking here?" 

You shrugged your shoulders. "He was at least older than you and dad. But he wasn't _old_." You dug the toe of your shoe into the dirt before admitting the next part. "And I found out he was married right before the world ended." 

"Well, shit," Shane said before he reached out to put an arm around your shoulders. "You know I would have killed him for you. Hell, I want to track this guy down now and tear his fucking spine out." 

"Yeah, well, I'm sure he's dead by now. It's no use." 

"He didn't force you or anything, did he?" 

"No," you rushed to assure your uncle. "I was just lonely and dumb and thought he loved me." You couldn't help but scoff at that. "Of course he didn't. He just couldn't keep his dick in his pants." 

Shane grimaced at that. "You know, I had a thing with a married coach when I was in high school." His eyes drifted out towards the field again before he shook his head. "Let's change the subject." 

You huffed out a laugh and nudged him with your elbow. "Your turn." 

Shane seemed to be considering his words for a few moments, his eyes focused on the trees that lined the field. "When I tried to get your dad out of the hospital before we left for Atlanta, I really did think he was dead. I tried so hard to get him out of that damn hospital bed, Y/N. I was going to carry him out, but he was hooked up to machines and I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to do. The power went out and when I put my ear to his chest, I couldn't hear a heartbeat." Shane shook his head, his hand coming up to card his fingers through his hair. "I was terrified. I did what I could to barricade the door and I ran, because walkers were already starting to take over the place. I've blamed myself every day since then for not doing more to get him out of there. Maybe everything wouldn’t be so fucked up." 

You considered his words for a moment, thinking over everything you knew about when the world fell apart and the situation your uncle would have found himself in. "I don't blame you," you finally offered. "You couldn't have gotten him out of there. You didn't hear a heartbeat. Maybe he was meant to stay there. Maybe he was meant to come find y'all later." 

Shane's shoulders slumped for a moment and you weren't sure if it was in defeat or relief. "Thanks, Y/N," he finally said, briefly meeting your gaze. 

You tried to think of something to contribute to the game you had started. "When I was out there on my own, before I found you guys, I killed someone." It was something you hadn't wanted to admit, but here with your Uncle Shane, you felt like you could finally confide one of your darkest secrets. 

"What happened?" Shane was staring at you, looking concerned and worried. 

"He was just a bad guy. He saw me traveling all alone and tried to take advantage." You frowned down at the ground before shrugging your shoulders. "In more ways than one." 

"He didn't, though. Right?" 

You shook your head. "I got him before he got me." It was something you didn't want to even think about. It was scarier than facing a whole house full of walkers. Walkers were mindless and predictable. This had been a human who was doing everything in his power to overpower you. Thankfully, he had been alone and you had always kept your knife on you. 

"I'm glad you're okay, kid," Shane said before he bit his lip, glancing around to make sure the both of you were really alone. He leaned forward, lowering his voice so you had to lean in and hear the words coming from him. "The man who went with me to get the supplies from the high school to save Carl? The one who died." He took a deep breath before he closed his eyes. "I let him die. It was my fault." 

"How?" You knew that things weren’t so easy anymore. There had to be more to the story than your uncle just outright killing someone. 

"I shot him in the leg so that I could get away with the supplies," Shane admitted. 

"Whoa," you managed to get out, not sure how to respond. 

"We weren't going to make it," Shane continued. "We were low on ammo and I had hurt my leg falling out of a window. There was a whole parking lot full of walkers chasing us. We never would have made it back to the truck. It felt like it was the only way to survive and save Carl. It's a decision that I regret, but I would probably make again." 

You thought about the situation for a moment before you considered your uncle. "You can't tell the others," you decided. "They wouldn't understand." 

Shane nodded his head. "I know. I think Dale suspects too. It's killing me, though. If I can make that decision, then what the hell else am I capable of? What if I get you or anyone else hurt because I think I'm doing what's best?" 

You reached out and squeezed Shane's shoulder like he did for you earlier. "I trust you, okay? And I'm willing to call you on your bullshit. More so than my dad." 

Shane shook his head and offered you a weak smile. "Where would I be without you, kid?" 

You shrugged your shoulders. "Probably following a slow descent into madness," you offered with a grin. "Just, try, okay? Try not to let the pressure of survival fuck up who you really are. I'd hate to lose the man who practically helped raise me." 

Shane was quiet for a few moments before he nodded his head. "I'll try. For you. And Carl." 

You grinned and nudged him. "And my dad and your ridiculous crush on him," you said, standing up out of his reach when it looked like he was going to swat at you. 

"Shut up and go bother your brother," Shane grumbled, rolling his eyes. 

You decided to follow Shane's advice and went to find your brother. He was sitting with Sophia, playing a game with sticks and a doll that involved a lot of imagination which you were having trouble keeping up with. You settled for sitting and watching them, glad that your brother had a friend to play with. You couldn't even imagine how terrible this would be for him if he was the only kid in the group. You hated the idea of him being forced to grow up even quicker. 

You stayed with them until the early afternoon heat started to annoy you and you chose to go see what the rest of the group were up to. You found your dad and Shane arguing. Again. You knew they were trying to figure out what to do about Randall and it made you sick to think that your dad and Shane were so busy butting heads that they weren't focusing on actually fixing the problem. You went in search of Daryl, knowing that if anyone would have any insight into what was really going on, then he would know. 

You found Daryl guarding the barn where they were keeping Randall. "Hey," you whispered, hoping that there wasn't anyone else around to hear. "You know what's going on?" 

Daryl shrugged his shoulders. "Your dad and Shane are working out a plan." 

You waited for Daryl to offer more, but when he didn't, you sighed. "What plan?" 

"They're going to drop the kid off somewhere far away." 

"Oh," you said, thinking over that plan. 

"How's your head?" 

You glanced over to see Daryl staring at the slowly healing cut on your forehead. 

"It's better. Thanks to my nurse," you offered with a grin, daring to bump into his shoulder. You couldn't help but feel a little thrill at the contact. You felt like you did when you were twelve with a crush on the boy who was a grade ahead of you. The feeling was intoxicating once it replaced the general stress of everyday life. 

"Shut up," Daryl grumbled, but he was smirking when he looked at you. 

It took you a few moments to realize that you had company. When you glanced up, you noticed your dad and Shane standing just a few feet away from the pair of you. Shane looked amused more than anything, but your dad was staring at Daryl, assessing him. You couldn't help but roll your eyes, because if your dad was going to play the overprotective dad card, then you weren't going to let it get to you. He wasn't going to be able to warn you away from Daryl. From everything you had observed about the man, you knew that he was good. He was rough, sure, and insecure, but he was _good_. You remembered the look of pure relief on his face when he found you and Sophia in the woods. Daryl liked to seem that he didn’t care and wasn’t close to anyone in the group, but you knew that wasn’t true. There was so much you knew that Daryl was hiding, but he was someone that you felt like you could let yourself trust. 

"We're going to go drop Randall off somewhere," your dad said. 

"You and Shane? Together?" You frowned for a moment. "Alone?" You glanced back from your dad to Shane, knowing that letting them go off alone together was probably a terrible idea. "I'm going with you," you blurted out. 

"Like hell you are," Shane groaned. "It's not safe." 

"I figure you'll need someone to watch both of your backs. I'm a good shot. I have my knife. I'm going with you," you affirmed, leaving no room for argument. 

Your dad sighed before he glanced over at Shane. You knew they were having one of their silent arguments. After a few moments, your dad nodded his head. "Fine. But I want you to listen to us. No going off on your own." 

"Of course," you said with a grin. You moved away from the barn towards the SUV, knowing that you'd have to be quick to get there or else you ran the risk of your dad and Shane leaving without you. You were almost to the SUV when you heard footsteps coming up behind you. You looked over your shoulder to see that Daryl had followed you. "Everything okay?" 

Daryl nodded his head, his crossbow still in his hands, as if he expected to be attacked at any moment. "Just watch yourself out there, okay?" 

"I will," you promised. "I have to come back and annoy you, right?" You offered him a grin before you pulled open the backseat door on the passenger side. 

"You're not annoying me," Daryl grumbled. 

Before you could say anything else, you noticed Shane and your dad leading a blindfolded Randall over towards the SUV. You reached out and squeezed Daryl's wrist, hoping that he didn't mind the contact. "I'll be back," you assured him before you got into the SUV while your dad and Shane put Randall into the back. 

You waited to close your door until Shane and your dad had climbed into the front seats. You raised your hand in a wave to Daryl as he watched the car drive away. 

You glanced to where your dad and Shane were carefully not looking at each other or saying anything at all. You could hear Randall shifting around in the back of the SUV, obviously trying to get comfortable even though you knew his hands were tied behind his back. You huffed out a breath and stared out the window at the trees the car was passing and couldn't help but think that you were in for a very long trip.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Truth or truth is actually something I like to play with people when I'm trying to get to know them or my friends when we're trying to figure out who has the most ridiculous secrets. It's great. 
> 
> There's going to be two more chapters with the farm. I'm debating on making the whole herd chapter angsty or extra angsty. It's going to get dark, folks. Just thought I'd warn you. 
> 
> Happy 2019, guys. Thank you to everyone who has given my fic a chance. You guys are the best. ♥ 
> 
> I also plan on writing a Supernatural reader fic and Stranger Things. Maybe even try my hand at Marvel. Would anyone be interested? I'm also thinking about writing a prequel to this about the reader's life right before and during the beginning of the apocalypse. It would be Negan/reader (I'm impatient to get to that part of the story when he resurfaces).


	9. The Farm - Part Eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The reader tries and fails to keep Rick and Shane from fighting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I really mean it this time when I say there are only two more chapters for The Farm. 
> 
> I've been having a rough time of it lately, so I'm sorry this took so long for me to get out. I had to re-watch 18 Miles Out, because I wanted to try to get a basic outline of what happens. I know there's no Daryl in this chapter, but I promise he will be in it a lot more next chapter.

"Are we there yet?" You smirked at the frustrated sigh your dad gave, shooting you an exasperated look in the rearview mirror. 

"Can you stop asking that?" Shane turned to glare at you. 

You held your hands up, showing you meant no harm. "Just trying to lighten the mood." 

"We need to keep our focus," your dad said, glancing at you again in the rearview mirror. 

"Speaking of that," you said, shifting forward in your seat. "You said when you picked up this kid," you gestured towards where Randall was bound in the back of the SUV, "that walkers had been starting to ambush the town." 

Your dad nodded his head. "They were starting to pour in. I don't think we would have been able to take them all. Not when Randall's group was doing their best to kill us too." 

"That's pretty fucking close, though," you said, leaning forward even more. "Don't you think that's our cue to get out before they happen upon the farm? Wouldn't it only be a matter of time?" You didn't really want to leave the farm. It seemed safe and secure. It _seemed_ that way. But now, it was just as good a place as any for a deathtrap. You knew how easy it would be to die there. This was why you had always kept moving when you were on your own. Now, with the group, there was more to lose. You just didn't know how to approach the subject of giving up the relative safety of the farm before anything bad happened. 

Your dad glanced at you for a second over his shoulder and you wanted to reach out and turn his head back towards the road. "We can't leave, Y/N." 

You sighed, throwing yourself back into your seat. Yeah, you knew why your dad didn't want to leave. He was thinking of Carl. He was thinking of your mom and the baby that was slowly forming. You were thinking about them too. You wanted to get them off the farm before something happened, but you knew it wouldn't be as easy as sleeping in trees every night. 

You wiped the palms of your hands off on your jeans, feeling that unmistakable itch under your skin. You felt trapped. You felt like you had to get out, but you knew that you couldn't just run any more. 

You were pulled out of your thoughts when your dad pulled the car over to the side of the road. 

"Whoa," you said, sitting forward in your seat. "Why are we stopping?" 

"You said we were going further out than this," Shane added, glancing over at your dad uncertainly. 

"Eighteen miles out," your dad confirmed. "But I've got something I have to do first," he said as he got out of the car. He gestured for Shane to follow him and you watched from the backseat as Shane moved to meet your dad a few feet away from the car. 

"Fuck this," you muttered to yourself, getting out so that you could keep an eye on your surroundings. You didn't see any walkers, but they had a bad habit of appearing the second you let your guard down. 

From where you were standing, you could just make out pieces of the conversation between your dad and Shane. You had your back turned to them, trusting them to at least pay attention to any walkers that may stumble towards them as long as you were watching in the other direction. 

You wished you could turn around and see the expressions on their faces, but you didn't want to give yourself away. 

"I know about Otis." 

You felt yourself freeze at that. "Oh shit," you whispered to yourself. 

You heard Shane defending himself, reiterating that it was either Otis or Carl. You heard your dad fire back, accusing Shane of thinking that he couldn't take care of his own family. 

"You think I wouldn't do what it takes to protect Lori? Or Carl? Or my unborn child?" You wanted to roll your eyes at that. Seriously? You were standing _right there_. 

You heard Shane's sharp breath and then it caught up to you what your dad had just said. How out of the loop were you? How many people knew about Otis and your mom's pregnancy? Shane didn't even seem surprised. Was the whole camp aware at this point? Apparently you really should be spending more time actually talking to people in the camp instead of constantly worrying about the safety of your loved ones. In your defense, even before all of the apocalypse bullshit started, you had never been one to get too caught up in gossip. 

"Lori thinks you're dangerous." 

You rolled your eyes. Shane wasn't dangerous to your mom. He wasn't dangerous to Carl or you or your dad. Shane was just fiercely protective of his loved ones. You understood why he killed Otis. Maybe you would have felt a bit of remorse if you had met Otis first, but you didn't. You glanced over your shoulder, noticing that Shane was refusing to meet your dad's eyes as your dad whispered something to him. You wished you could hear what was going on, because the look on Shane's face was guarded and almost heartbroken. 

You noticed your dad turning towards the car and you quickly turned back around so he wouldn't realize you had been doing your best to eavesdrop on their conversation. 

"Where are you going?" Shane called out. 

"I have to check on something," you heard your dad say. 

There was complete quiet for a few moments before you heard Shane speak up again. "When the world fell apart, it happened so quick. It just seemed like funny little news stories at first and then it just turned into this whole thing. I tried to get you out of that damn hospital, Rick. You have to believe me." You heard the sound of shuffling feet and glanced back to see that Shane was slowly getting closer to your dad, staring at him in earnest. "There were soldiers there that day. They were shooting people. _People_ ," he emphasized, "not walkers. And then the walkers came. They took over that hospital faster than I could blink. I couldn't hear a heartbeat. You were hooked up to these machines. The power went out and I couldn't hear a fucking heartbeat," Shane said, his voice sounded tight and choked as he finished talking. It took a few moments before he spoke up again. "Carl and Lori kept me alive, man. I depended on them to survive. If I could take it all back, then I would. The affair and everything. I'd make it right," he added. 

There was silence again before your dad suddenly appeared beside you. You flinched, having been so absorbed by Shane's words that you hadn't even noticed your dad walking towards you. He offered you a small smile before he rounded the corner of the SUV and pulled up the back hatch. Shane joined the both of you a few seconds later, watching as your dad checked that Randall's hands and legs were still bound. He made sure the earphones were still doing their job of blocking out any sound he might be hearing before he pulled the hood back down over Randall's head. 

You watched as your dad got back into the driver's seat, sharing a look with Shane. You weren't sure what to think at this point. It seemed like everyone's secrets were getting thrown out into the open at this point. You could only manage to offer Shane a pat on the shoulder before you moved to get back into the backseat. 

Once Shane was back in the car, your dad took off again. He started talking about using knives instead of guns if they were only up against one or two walkers. He wanted to save ammunition. He wanted to scavenge to prepare for winter. He wanted to settle into the farm and that itch was back under your skin again. You couldn't help but feel like it was a terrible idea to just stay in one place for too long. Walkers or other survivors were going to rip the farm from your group. You just knew it. 

You kept your gaze focused out the window and on the field that the car was passing. You noticed the lone walker stumbling across the field. You couldn't help but shudder at the thought that that could have been you one day if you had never found your group. You could have been all alone and one walker could have gotten one lucky bite in. You could have been that walker stumbling along all by itself, no family and no purpose. You frowned before moving towards the middle seat, looking out of the window on the driver's side instead. 

"That's more than eighteen miles out," you heard Shane say. 

"I'm looking to drop him off somewhere instead of the middle of nowhere. Give the kid a chance," your dad answered with a shrug of his shoulders. 

It wasn't long before your dad started slowing down. "There," he said, slowly turning into the parking lot of a place with a sign that declared it was the 'Mert County Department of Public Works.' 

Your dad got out of the car, Shane following him as they walked over towards the fence that separated the parking lot from the rest of the property. 

"Stay there," your dad told you, gesturing for you to remain with the car when you moved to follow them. You rolled your eyes, keeping an eye on your surroundings while your dad and Shane lured two walkers in officer uniforms to the fence and killed them. 

You watched as they left to check the place out. You kept glancing around, hoping that there weren't going to be any surprise walker attacks. You felt tense as you waited for your dad and Shane to get back from their inspection. You hoped they hadn't found an opportunity to fight about something, but you were never sure when it came to them. 

You couldn't help but feel relieved when they came back. Shane climbed into the driver's seat as your dad moved to stand beside you. 

"I think this is the place," your dad said with a nod. "It seems safe enough." 

It didn't take long for 'safe enough,' to become complete and total chaos. 

It started when the three of you tried to leave Randall. You tried to tune out his whole babble about begging for mercy and how he was different from the other guys in his old group. That should have been the end of it. You and your dad and Shane were already walking away when the kid opened his mouth and said the one thing that guaranteed that the timer on his life was quickly running out. All three of you stopped in your tracks once he mentioned going to school with Maggie and knowing about Hershel. 

Your dad turned around, closing the distance between himself and Randall. "Did you go to school with Maggie?" 

"Did you go to school with Maggie?" Shane echoed. He sounded pissed off and so _done_ with the whole situation. You knew that things between your dad and Shane were about to escalate, but you weren’t sure how it was going to play out. 

You could tell that Randall immediately realized he had made a terrible mistake. You saw the moment Shane drew his gun, aiming for Randall, before your dad reached out to stop him. The shot went wide and missed Randall. You were quick to pull your knife out of your belt and moved closer to Randall. 

Shane and Rick were in each other's faces, all of their focus on the fight starting between them. They were quick to dissolve into an argument over what to do with Randall now that he could potentially lead his old group back to the farm. 

You were closing in on Randall, your knife still held out. “It’s the best way to keep everyone safe, dad. He has to go.” Randall whimpered at that and Rick turned to look at you, a flash of betrayal crossing his face, before he focused back on Shane. 

"We need to bring him back. Just give me one night to figure it out." 

"It's not enough, Rick," Shane was saying, getting closer into your dad's space. "We have to kill him. It's the best solution." 

“You need to trust me,” your dad whispered harshly. “I’m not going to let him get us all killed.” 

"You both need to shut up and think about this! Are you seriously going to let him live after this? He knows too much. He’s a danger to everyone." You were thinking of your family and the rest of the group. Randall had come from a group that was violent and brutal. You couldn't help but think that if they brought him along on the run into town, where he had shot at your dad and Glenn and Hershel, then he had been one of them. He could have claimed not to have been a part of that group, but he had at least played along to the point where they trusted him. If his old group trusted them, then you didn't even want to consider what he had done to earn that trust. You could feel it deep down that the kid was bad news. 

You moved to stand between your dad and Shane, hoping that it would keep them from yelling at each other long enough to cool off and think about the situation rationally. 

Shane simply leaned around you, getting back into your dad’s face. "You really want that kid back at camp? He shot at you, Rick. You really want him around the place where Lori sleeps? Where Carl and Y/N are? What about once the baby is born? You really going to feel alright with him around when you know the kind of people he came from?" 

"I can keep my family safe," your dad snarled. 

You noticed Randall trying to slowly crawl towards the knife your dad had dropped on the ground for him and you moved to kick it further away from him. Randall glared up at you, but you shrugged your shoulders, not wanting to give him an opportunity to free himself. 

After that, it seemed like between one blink of your eyes and the next, your dad and Shane were pushing each other around and trading blows. You weren't sure whether to keep your attention on them or on Randall, worried that he would try to escape once no one was paying attention to him. It wasn't until Shane grabbed your dad's gun that you moved to get between him and your dad again. 

"Both of you need to stop it!" You hated that you were yelling, but it felt like it was the only way you might get them to listen. You knew this was a bad idea. "We can't afford for you two to do this right now," you hissed, trying to make sure they couldn't get near each other again. You could see the fury and rage in both of their expressions. You figured this fight was a long time coming and maybe it was cathartic for them in some way, but this really wasn't the place or the time. It wasn't like they were back on the farm where there were several people to keep watch while they threw their little hissy fit with each other. 

You weren't sure what was the trigger, but they were suddenly moving towards each other again, Shane going in to punch your dad in the stomach while your dad moved to shove Shane away. Since you were still in the way, your dad accidentally knocked into you and you stumbled backwards, barely keeping your hold on your knife when you almost lost your footing. 

Shane snarled at that, rushing forward to attack your dad. You lost sight of them momentarily as they threw each other around, the random assortment of vehicles in the lot getting in the way as they moved further away from you. You were only aware of Randall trying to get back towards the knife and Shane appearing around the side of a vehicle, holding out his gun again and aiming at Randall. Your dad tackled Shane to the ground, hitting him over and over before he finally let up at your insistence. You hadn't even realized you had moved forward to grab your dad's shoulder to try to haul him off Shane. It seemed like everything was happening too quickly for you to really think about anything. 

You knew they were both bleeding and panting for breath, so you thought that was the end of it as Shane stumbled away from your dad. And then you saw him pick up the wrench. 

You moved towards him, holding out a hand. "Shane, don't!" You weren't sure whether he meant to hit your dad with the wrench or scare him, but it seemed like you could only watch as he flung the wrench in your dad's direction and shattered the window of the building behind him. 

Everything was quiet and still for a few moments. Shane was breathing heavily, his shoulders shaking, and you wondered if he had finally run out of anger. You hoped he would listen to you again, before the first walker pulled itself through the window. 

Your dad moved to stab it in the head and once the others started pouring out, you noticed he pulled the dead walker on top of himself to hide. You grabbed Shane's arm and pulled him away. "Run," you breathed. Your thoughts wouldn't make sense enough for you to figure out a solid plan out of this. You forgot about Randall. You forgot that you weren't somewhere with a clear exit. There was a maze of vehicles and hills. Your dad was hopefully safe. You knew you had to get Shane and yourself to a position where you could hopefully fend off the walkers. You didn't even know how many were behind you. 

You could feel Shane's hand on your back, urging you forward. You took a right and it wasn't until you didn't feel his hand anymore that you realized Shane was saying something. "Hey, over here," he was yelling and you glanced back briefly to see he had run off in the other direction, drawing away most of the walkers from you. 

Only two of them stumbled off in your direction and you took off, trying not to worry about Shane. You hoped he knew what he was doing. You could only focus on the fact that you had two walkers after you and you had to take care of them before they caught up to you. Before you could really think about what you were doing, you whirled around, your knife in your hand, and thrust the blade into the first walker's skull. You managed to push the other away for the amount of time it took you to pull your knife out of the walker's head and take care of the other one. 

You were breathing heavily by now and your focus was shot. Your heart was racing in your chest and your vision blurred for a second as you tried to get yourself to calm down. You didn’t know why this affected you so badly. Usually, when you were one your own and up against terrifying odds, you kept your cool. You wondered if it was because you were no longer alone and had more to lose now. 

You weren't sure where Shane had ended up. You didn't know if your dad was still hiding under that walker's body. You couldn't tell if Randall was alive or had already become walker chow. You glanced around, trying to see anything that would tell you what your next course of action should be. 

You spotted Shane in the bus attempting to keep the walkers out by pressing himself up against the doors. You jumped at the feeling of a hand curling around your arm and then you realized it was your dad. He looked terrified for a moment as he glanced back at the bus and Shane before he started herding you away. Randall was at his back, glancing all around and urging your dad to leave Shane behind. 

"Shut the fuck up," you snarled, fighting your dad's grip and knowing that he would be leaving bruises on your arm from how tightly he held onto you. "We can't leave him, dad," you pleaded. "We have to help him." 

"I have a plan, but it's not going to work if we don't get out of here right now." 

You opened your mouth to protest, but you couldn't get any words out before your dad was pushing you towards the gate and in the direction of the car. You glanced back over your shoulder, catching the helpless and defeated expression on Shane's face as he watched the three of you leave him. You struggled again just before your dad got you around the corner of the building. 

Your dad led you over towards where the two dead officers were lying on the ground just in front of the gate. He grabbed the guns that had been on the bodies and shoved one towards you. 

He must have caught the distressed look on your face, your body angled back towards the bus and Shane, because he reached out and put a hand on your shoulder. “I have a plan,” he repeated. “Trust me.” 

You nodded your head, knowing that if your dad tried to leave Shane, then you would do everything in your power to get back to him and save him. For now, you were going to trust your dad. 

You watched as your dad taped Randall to the driver's seat, securing his neck to the headrest and ensuring he wouldn't get away as he let you in on his plan. Randall would drive and the both of you would try to take out as many walkers as possible to allow Shane to escape. You were glad your dad wasn't going to force you to leave Shane there, but you felt shaky at the thought that you could be too late. What if the walkers got into the bus before you could get to him? You didn't want to be too late. You couldn't stomach the thought of Shane as a walker or torn to shreds. It just couldn't happen. 

It felt like way too long had passed before Randall was driving through the gate and you and your dad were hanging out of the windows of the SUV, shooting at the walkers crowded around the door to the bus. 

"Run to the back, Shane!" Your dad yelled as he shot at the walkers, an urgency in his movements that spoke of how terrified he was in that moment. 

You watched as Shane ran down the aisle of the bus and kicked open the back door. By the time the car had pulled around, you pushed yourself across the backseat so that Shane would have room to push himself through the back window. You pulled on his legs and arms, anything to help him get into the safety of the car before Randall took off again, celebrating the success of the plan by whooping and hollering. 

You felt like you were going to snap. Randall was babbling again, but tensions still felt high in the car. Your dad kept glancing over his shoulder, as if to ensure that Shane had really made it after all, and Shane was glancing down at his hand where he must have cut it at some point. You hoped it wasn't a bite, but you were sure Shane was smarter than to let that be kept a secret. You knew that he at least wouldn’t risk your safety or your dad’s well-being. 

"I can't believe we did it! Hell yeah! Come on. I had to prove myself back there. There's no way you can kill me now." Randall just wouldn't shut up and you were so tired of this kid already. You moved without really thinking of it, pressing the blade of your knife to the base of Randall's skull. He stilled and barely kept the car on the road. Your dad and Shane were both watching you as you leaned forward to speak into Randall's ear. 

"You need to shut the fuck up, you idiot. You almost got both of my dads killed and if you don't shut up right now, I will drive this blade right into your skull. I don't care if you're driving if it'll just get you to _shut up_." 

You saw your dad flinch out of the corner of your eye when you implied that you thought of Shane as your dad as well and when you glanced over at Shane, you noticed that he was giving you such a hopeful look, as if you had just saved his life. You offered him an unsure smile, hoping you hadn’t overstepped any boundaries. It was true, though. In your mind, Shane had more than earned that from you. You glanced at Rick to see he was giving Shane a considering look and you only hoped that this could help prove that Shane was important to the group. Shane was _family_ and you were going to use as much time as it took to get your dad to see that. 

You were glad for the fact that your threat at least got Randall to stop talking. When your dad directed him to pull over, you kept watch as your dad and Shane bound his hands and legs again. You were glad that Randall didn't even try to fight it at that point. You felt like you were close to just solving the Randall problem once and for all, whether that meant leaving him bound on the side of the road or driving your knife into his skull. At that point, you didn’t care what anyone would think of you and your adrenaline was beginning to wane. Your hands were shaking and you didn't even want to think about how close you had just come to losing your dad and Shane. If any of those walkers had caught them by surprise at any time, then you weren't sure what you would have done. The only reason the three of you had been away from the farm was because of Randall. You couldn’t help but feel like he was causing more trouble than he was worth at that point. 

You climbed into the backseat once they had Randall all settled in the back again, waiting for your dad to get back into the driver's seat and for Shane to get back into the passenger seat. Once the car took off, you leaned your head against the back of the seat and closed your eyes, trying to process everything that had just happened. 

It was quiet for a while before your dad starting talking. 

"It's my family," Rick said. The words brought your gaze back to the front of the car, watching two of the most important men in your life navigate whatever fucked up relationship they currently had. "My wife, my son, my daughter, and my unborn child. I can keep them safe. I'd do _anything_ for them," Rick mentioned. He briefly met your glance in the rearview mirror, a look of apology on his face, before he focused back on the road. "You just have to trust me, Shane, and follow my lead. I don't want to lose you. I just want you back. Just, come back to me. To us," he added, glancing at you again, as if looking for approval. 

Shane didn't say anything, but you knew he was probably thinking over the words. You wanted to protest and say that Shane was part of your family. He would always be part of the family. But you didn't want to say anything that would possibly make the tension in the car worse. You felt drained. You knew you would make the time to mend your family. You had to. But it would have to wait until you were back at the Greene farm. 

The ride back to the farm was silent after that. It seemed like all of you were lost in thought. When you glanced out the window and noticed the lone walker crossing the field again, you promised yourself then and there that you would do whatever it took to get your family back together again. You didn't want to end up like that walker. You didn't want Shane or Carl or even your mom and dad and unborn sibling to have to be alone. At this point, it just wasn't worth it to go it alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If there are any errors, please let me know. I've been so tired and I probably didn't catch everything. 
> 
> Thank you to everyone who takes the time to leaves kudos, comment, or bookmark this fic. You guys are the best. ♥


	10. The Farm - Part Nine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The reader tries to fix her family before it's too late.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A canon death occurs in this chapter. Brief mentions of torture.

You noticed the looks of confusion and outrage when the SUV pulled up to the Greene house and Randall was still in the vehicle. You watched as Shane and your dad pulled Randall out of the back and started leading him back over to the barn. 

Some people, like Andrea and Dale, chose to follow them, but you noticed that Daryl was watching you. 

You offered him a smile that probably looked more timid than anything as you slowly walked over towards where he was leaning against the railing of the front porch. 

"Hey, Squirrel," he said, smirking at you once you were in front of him. 

"Hey," you offered, shifting on your feet as you watched your dad get further away from you with Shane. You wanted to talk to them. After everything that had just happened, you felt weird leaving them together. If they weren't going to come to the conclusion that they needed each other on their own, then you felt responsible for helping them see that. 

"Why are your dad and Shane all banged up?" 

You glanced over to see Daryl checking you over, as if worried that you had also sustained some injuries. 

"It's a really long story," you said. 

"Well, it's not like the dead are going to stop walking," Daryl offered. "I've got the time." 

You grinned at him, allowing him to lead you over towards his tent. You both settled down in front of it, taking the piece of jerky he offered you. 

You told him all about what happened when you tried to get rid of Randall. Daryl shook his head once you were done. "Those two are a mess." 

"My dad and Shane?" You knew it was the only two people he could be referring to, but for some reason you wanted clarification. 

Daryl nodded his head. "Before you showed up, they butted heads all the time. There's something off about Shane," he added. 

You wanted to point out that they sounded like they were just as bad as before you joined the group, but you couldn't let the slight against Shane go. "He's trying, okay? My dad hasn't really figured out just how fucked up this world really is now. I think Shane is trying to overcompensate for that. Like he has to make the tough calls for my dad." You shrugged your shoulders, blowing out a breath to try to get the strand of hair that had fallen into your face to go away. "He's like my other dad. I love him, but I know he's also a bit unhinged now. I want to get him back. I’m _trying_ to get him back." 

Daryl looked thoughtful at that, tearing off another piece of jerky before stuffing it into his mouth. "You know," he said, still chewing, "he reminds me of my brother, Merle." 

"Yeah? How so?" 

"He always thinks he's doing right even when he's doing wrong. He's stubborn and won't listen. Sound familiar?" Daryl offered you a grin. 

"Maybe," you said, laughing as you knocked your shoulder into his. You were quiet for a few moments. "Do you miss him?" 

Daryl's smile fell, but he didn't completely close off, which you were taking as a small victory. "Sometimes," he admitted. "He's my brother," he said with a shrug of his shoulders. "He's the only family I've got." 

"You know that's not true," you attempted to reassure him, reaching out to put a hand on Daryl's wrist. "You've got us. You've got _me_ ," you clarified. 

Daryl studied you for a moment, his smile creeping back onto his face. "Is that right?" 

You opened your mouth to respond when someone cleared their throat. "As much as I hate to break up this loving moment, I need you to help us with something, Daryl." 

You squinted up at Shane, standing up as Daryl stood. "Do you need my help?" 

Shane shook his head. "Not this time, Y/N." You were trying to figure out just why Shane looked so cagey when Carl was suddenly there. 

"I want to help too!" 

"No, bud, this is something the grown-ups have to take care of," Shane said, patting Carl on the shoulder. 

You wanted to protest that you were a grown-up, so you should have been able to help, but you realized that it wouldn't help Shane's case with getting Carl to stay out of whatever he was up to. You watched Daryl and Shane walk away before you grinned at Carl, trying to make him forget about whatever was going on. "You want to go find Sophia? I'm sure she's got some game we can play." 

Carl frowned up at you before he shook his head. "No one ever lets me do anything. I'm not a kid. I've grown up too," he insisted. "I've _had_ to." 

He stormed off towards the tent he shared with your mom and dad. You went to go after him, but were drawn short by the sight of your mom and Dale speaking with your dad. 

You moved closer to the trio, a sinking feeling in your stomach about what they were talking about. 

"We just can't trust him," Dale insisted. "He killed Otis and any one of us could be next." 

"He's dangerous, Rick. He can't stay here," your mom added. 

"Are you both kidding me right now?" You asked as you stepped forward. 

Dale turned to look at you. "This doesn't concern you. Your mom and I are just having a talk with your dad." 

"Yeah," you drawled. "About Shane. I have a very vested interest in making sure he stays with the group, so why don't we all talk this through like adults." 

"You're just a kid," your mom said, already trying to dismiss you. 

"Lori, she's not a kid anymore. If anything, she's seen more than any of us what this world is like." 

You were surprised that your dad was actually taking up for you right now. You nodded at him, silently thanking him, before you turned on Dale and your mom. "Look, he's done some shitty things, yes. But he's a good person. He helped raise me and I'm not giving up on him." You made sure to meet your dad's gaze. "You shouldn't either." 

Your mom stepped forward to put a hand on your arm. "You don't know half of what he's done, Y/N." 

You couldn't help but laugh at that. "Oh, I have a pretty good idea. He told me about Otis. I was here for the barn of walkers. I was here for a lot of the shit he did or said. But you know he's done his part to take care of the people here. He's been messed up about it, sure, but he cares. He's the same man who cleaned my knee that time I scraped it after I fell off my bike. He's the same guy who came to dinner every week and took care of me when you two wouldn't," you hissed at your parents. "He's in there and I've talked to him. I've seen that guy recently, but the more you push him away and try to get rid of Shane, the worse it's going to get." You shook your head and fixed your mom with a pleading look. "I think we need to talk. Just the two of us." 

Dale opened his mouth to protest, but Rick shook his head. "I think that's a good idea." 

Your mom nodded her head and let you lead her over towards the field. You couldn't help but wonder how this was going to go. 

"Look," you started before your mom cut you off. 

"I'm sorry." 

"What?" 

"I'm sorry I wasn't the best mother. I know I could have been better. I know I was neglectful and I hurt you." She took a step forward and put her hands on your shoulders. "But I love you. You're still my baby, no matter what, and I'm sorry that you don't have the best opinion of me." 

What were you supposed to say to that? You couldn't just brush it off and say, 'Oh, it's okay, I forgive you, mom. Let's play happy family again.' No, you weren't sure if you were completely to the point of forgiveness. You were trying, though. "You're right," you said. "Look, I know we're probably not going to really get along, but we have to try. You're having a baby. The dead are fucking walking now. We could die at any minute." 

"I know," your mom said as she reached to take one of your hands, her other hand staying on your shoulder. "I just don't think Shane is safe to have around. He's going to get someone hurt. Or killed." 

"Mom, we could all do something to get someone hurt or killed. Don't you get it?" You closed your eyes, thinking back to moments before you met up with the group. You had come across other groups or even pairs. You usually stayed away because you knew it was only a matter of time before someone made a stupid decision or got careless. All of you were weapons against each other in one way or another these days. Someone could miss a walker while on watch. Someone could make a noise that was just a little too loud and bring a whole herd down on the group. "He’s going about it the wrong way, I know, but he cares about us. Are you sure you're not just feeling guilty?" 

Your mom looked up at you with wide, startled eyes at that. "What are you talking about?" 

"You know, because dad's alive and you were with Shane. Although, I mean, Shane did think dad was dead. He really isn't the villain you make him out to be. Besides, it takes two to tango last time I heard." You shrugged your shoulders, carefully not looking at your mom. "Dad's probably hurt and pissed off, sure, but I think he understands. You don't need to get rid of Shane to erase what you did with him." 

Your mom frowned at that, but didn't offer anything else. After a few moments of silence, you decided to start pacing, because you were feeling restless. You shook your hands out, carefully walking back and forth, but trying not to be too annoying about it. 

"Look," your mom finally said. "Even if that was true, you can't deny that Shane has made some terrible choices lately. He got Otis killed and he hasn't been the same since." 

"He got Otis killed to save Carl," you managed to get out, hating that you were justifying that particular action of Shane's, but you understood it. "You're seriously telling me you would have been able to choose letting Otis live over letting Carl die?" 

Your mom shook her head, casting her gaze out over the field. "I just don't know how to feel if he's around and I have the baby." 

You raised an eyebrow at your mom at that. "Because he might be the father?" 

Your mom grimaced at the words. "It doesn't matter if he somehow is, because your dad will be the father to this baby." She put a protective hand over her belly, giving you a look that told you that you shouldn’t argue. 

She really should have known better, though. “Mom, that's such bullshit and you know it. You treat Shane like shit and then you wonder why he acts the way he does. Shane was just as much a dad to me as my actual father. He's good," you added, trying to make eye contact with her. "He's always been good. He took care of me when you and dad were having some existential crisis over having been teen parents. He cares about Carl and me in ways that a lot of other people won't. Don't you think he'd care about that baby just as much? Even if it isn't his, at least let him show that he can care." 

Your mom shot you a rueful grin at that. "You've grown up so much lately." 

You couldn't help but laugh at that. "Of course I have. I had to," practically echoing Carl’s words from earlier. "I know we don't have the best relationship, but I want to be better about that. Don't you think we should all try and act like a family while we're still alive?" 

Your mom considered you for a few moments before she blinked and focused her gaze down at her feet. "You're right," she whispered before she suddenly moved forward to wrap you in a hug. “I love you,” she whispered in your ear. 

“Love you too, mom,” you allowed yourself to say. You let yourself enjoy the moment for a few seconds before you pulled away. 

"Let me go talk to your father," your mom said, already moving to walk away. "I'll see you later?" 

You nodded your head, knowing that you'd probably go seek out Daryl now. You felt a bit emotionally wrung out and seeing his grumpy face somehow never failed to put you in a better mood. 

When you found Daryl, he was just leaving the barn. His knuckles were bloody and he was wrapping a piece of cloth around them. 

"What the hell?" You rushed forward to inspect his hand. "Are you okay?" 

Daryl looked sheepish and unsure, moving to practically block you from looking into the barn. "Yeah," he grumbled. "It's nothing." 

"Did you get into a fight with Shane or something?" You couldn't really figure out why Daryl would be hurt otherwise. The only other person he was interacting with had been Randall and it wasn't like they would let him out of his bonds enough to actually start a fight. You froze as a thought crossed your mind and you suddenly pushed past Daryl to get a peek into the barn. 

"Y/N, wait," he tried, his voice gruff and pleading. 

You saw Randall's rapidly bruising eye and his split lip and glanced back at Daryl. "Did my uncle ask you to _torture_ Randall or something?" 

Daryl wouldn't meet your gaze and that was all the answer you needed. You weren't really sure how to feel about it. As far as you knew, Randall wasn't going anywhere and his group was none the wiser about his location. They probably all thought he was dead. You just didn't get why Shane would make Daryl do this. It wasn't right. 

"Excuse me," you said, already walking away from Daryl. "I need to go talk to my uncle." 

"Wait," Daryl tried again. He reached out to grab your arm, pulling you around to look at him. "I'm sorry." 

"What are you sorry about? I'm mad at Shane. Not you," you clarified. 

Daryl's face scrunched up in confusion. "Why?" 

"Because," you groaned. "It's not fair of him to make you do that! What information could we possibly gain from this that would warrant making you do that?" You gestured to the barn, as if either of you could forget what you were really talking about. 

"Look, it's not a big deal. We needed information about his group." 

You shook your head. "That's not the point. He shouldn't have made you do that." You felt fiercely protective of Daryl in that moment. He looked so lost and uncertain that you couldn't really stop yourself from pulling him into a hug. You knew you might be crossing a boundary, since you weren't quite close enough to warrant unexpected embraces yet, but you couldn't help yourself. 

Daryl was stiff in your arms for long enough that you thought you had a made a terrible mistake before he suddenly melted into your embrace. You felt his hand come up to tentatively touch the back of your shoulder, as if he wasn't quite sure if you were really there or not. You couldn't help but wonder when was the last time anyone had bothered to show him any affection besides you. 

"I'm still going to kick Shane's ass," you growled, your anger somehow slowly fading the longer you stood there with Daryl. 

Daryl shook his head and pushed on your shoulders until you took a step back. "Don't worry about it," he told you. 

You frowned at that, but allowed him to lead you away from the barn. 

It wasn't long after that when the group came together in the Greene living room to try to decide what to do about Randall. 

It seemed that the longer the conversation went on, the more apparent it became that Dale was one of the only ones with any compassion for Randall. Most of the others were on the fence, but there were a few more who were seriously considering killing him. 

"Look, he's an unknown to this group," you offered. "He's not a good person. I just know it." 

"No offense," Dale told you, holding out a hand in your direction. "But you haven't been a part of this group since the beginning and this isn't your farm or land. I'm not sure you should really get a vote." 

"She's my daughter, Dale," your dad said, stepping forward and fixing Dale with a look that clearly said he was offended on your behalf. 

"She has a right to speak her piece," Daryl interjected from where he was leaning against the wall behind you. 

You knew Dale was just upset, though. He felt outnumbered and he was going to take shots where he could get them. You shrugged your shoulders, sharing a look with Daryl to try to tell him that you weren't really all that torn up over the comments. 

The meeting ended with Dale practically storming out of the house, a disgusted look on his face when the consensus of the group hadn't swayed in his favor. 

You left the house in favor of scaling the tree that was just outside the Greene home. It didn't feel as safe as you would have liked, since mostly everyone would be able to spot you up there and you usually sought solitude in moments like this, but it would have to do. As long as it held your weight and you didn't fall, it was the least of your worries in that moment. 

You stayed in the tree even after night fell. You had your eyes focused up at the sky, trying to watch the stars and find some sense of peace, when you heard someone screaming. You startled, almost falling right out of the tree, before you righted yourself and dropped down to the ground, wincing when your ankle protested. 

You rushed towards the field where you first heard the screams, noticing that there was already a group of people standing there. You saw the devastated look on your dad's face and heard Carl where he was pressed against your mom, sobbing. 

It only took you a few more moments to realize what held everyone's attention. Dale was lying on the ground, his stomach torn open and a dead walker pushed off to the side. You hated seeing the pain and fear on Dale's face. It never got easier seeing something so horrific. 

You didn't think to move or even breathe until Daryl stepped forward and put Dale out of his misery. You finally managed to make yourself turn around so that you could comfort Carl. Sophia was staring at Dale's body with wide eyes and you absently reached out to turn her away from the scene, sharing a terrified glance with Carol. 

You helped your mom and Carol usher the kids back to camp, both of them now crying and saying how scared they were. You stayed in your parent's tent that night, helping them reassure Carl that everything would be okay. You knew it was a lie, though. You couldn't help but feel like maybe this was one of the first dominoes to fall and it wouldn't be long before everything came crashing down around the group. 

The next few days were rough on the group. Dale's death seemed to unite the group in a way you couldn't have predicted, though. Patrols were sent out to make sure that no more walkers stumbled upon the property. You even found the time to tell Andrea you were sorry, since you knew she was close with Dale. 

One night, when you were getting ready to either climb up the tree near the Greene home or fall asleep on top of the RV, Carl came to you looking scared and worried. 

"What's wrong?" 

Carl looked up at you with tear-filled eyes. "I think I killed Dale." 

"What?" You definitely had not expected that from your little brother. "No, you didn't," you tried to reassure him. "It was a walker. You had nothing to do with that." 

Tears were starting to track down Carl's cheeks and he shook his head. "But I didn't kill it. I saw it and I didn't kill it when I should have." He made a sound like his throat was closing up before he threw his arms around your waist. 

"Carl, you couldn't have known. You're so young," you told him, pulling him in closer when he started shaking. "You can't blame yourself for this." You knew you didn't really know the whole story, but you didn't want your baby brother to go around thinking he was responsible for someone else's death. He was only a kid. 

"Can I stay with you tonight?" Carl finally asked. 

You found yourself nodding your head, knowing that you would do anything for Carl in that moment if he would only stop looking so terrified. 

A couple of days later, you were about to head out to walk the perimeter of the property. Usually you would go with Daryl or Shane, but you couldn’t find either one of them, and you didn‘t want to seem like you were avoiding contributing to the group. However, you ended up finding Shane standing just outside the barn, shaking his head and muttering to himself. 

"Hey, Shane," you said, trying to keep your voice soft and gentle, because you didn't want to startle him. 

"Hey," he replied, barely glancing at you over his shoulder. 

"What are you doing? Are you up for checking the perimeter with me?" 

He turned to look at you with a complicated mix of emotions on his face. He looked angry and hurt. You also noted the weird expression of guilt on his face. 

Maybe it was because you had known Shane your whole life. Maybe it was because you knew just what the new world did to people. You weren't sure what really gave you the insight to Shane's thoughts, but it didn't take long for you to put two and two together. 

"No," you hissed at him. You glanced around, hoping there wasn't anyone else there to witness this. "You can't let him go. If you kill him now, it'll ruin everything. You _know_ that." 

"Look, Y/N, I'm just doing what has to be done." 

"No, you're doing what you think has to be done. You're hurt and lashing out. I don't know why, but it probably has something to do with my dad or mom." You took a step closer to him, ignoring the way he flinched. "Think of me and Carl. If you screw up and get kicked out of the group for this, then you won't be around. Is that what you want?" 

He squinted at you and shook his head. "He needs to go," he said. 

"I know that," you told him. "But so far you’ve managed to go about everything in the worst way possible, even though I've agreed with you. Just hold off on this plan of action. For me?" You tried your best to replicate the puppy dog eyes you had perfected when you were ten and trying to get your uncle to give you an extra scoop of ice cream or take you to the movies. 

He grimaced before he rolled his eyes. "Fine," he snarled. "But if nothing's been done about him by the end of the week, I'm going to take matters into my own hands." 

You nodded, relieved that you were at least getting him to back off this course of action for now. "Good," you replied. "Then you won't mind if I stay here and keep watch?" 

Shane shook his head and wandered off, leaving you alone by the barn doors. You felt anxious and uncertain, hoping that this had been the right call. You were just so tired of seeing your dad and Shane fight and you knew that this would have done them in. 

It didn't take long for you to feel like you needed to be higher up. You had taken to climbing the tree in front of the Greene home more often than not and you were considering getting someone else to take watch at the barn with Randall when you first noticed the signs of movement off in the distance. 

You knew there were others out patrolling the perimeter, but this was more than the usual one or two people doing the rounds. This looked like a whole group emerging from the woods. 

You could hear the hissing and groaning from where you were standing and you didn't even waste a second to think about what you were doing. 

You took off across the property, forgetting about Randall in the barn and whether or not you would be able to make it to the house in time to warn the others. All you could think about was the approaching herd you could see stumbling across the field and you knew that if you didn't act now, then everyone could die.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The herd is next and I have to be honest...I'm terrified of zombies. It took me years to get through the first season of Walking Dead and I'm still only on season four. I actually finished this chapter last night before I went to sleep and had nightmares about them all night long. I'm kind of dreading writing the next chapter because it will freak me out. But, it has to happen and there will be a lot of angst and a lot of death (one that doesn't occur until later in canon). So, I'm just warning you guys now. 
> 
> Also, over 200 kudos? That's way more than I ever thought this would get and I'm so honored you guys chose to like this fic. Thank you all. ♥


	11. The Farm - Part Ten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The herd of walkers descends on the farm and the group suffers many losses.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mentions of canon death in this chapter. There's also a canon death or two that happens sooner than on the show/in the comics. End notes have a bit more detail about that if you want to read them in case it decides whether you read this chapter or not.

There was something that you had learned about walkers in all of your time alone. They were single-minded and only focused on following any hint of food. If they got even the barest clue that there was a food source nearby, then they would be drawn to it. Sometimes they followed each other. Sometimes they just kept going. It wasn't like walkers really slept. They kept moving even after a human being would have dropped from exhaustion. Walkers just didn't _care_. They were dead and hungry. 

You had seen a herd once before. It had taken your breath away to see such a big group of walkers walking together, their feet seeming to carry them in a direction they only knew about. You had made sure to go in the opposite direction once you spotted them. 

Now, as you sprinted across the distance between you and the house, you were just barely holding on from going into a full-blown panic. You didn't know where everyone had gone. You could only hope that they were at the Greene home. You'd forgotten all about Randall in your haste to get out as quickly as possible and warn the others of the death that was heading their way. 

You were at the house before you realized that there were people on the porch. 

"It's a herd," you tried to warn, just barely making out Shane and Daryl talking on the porch. 

"What?" Shane turned to look at you, but you could only gesture in the direction of the field and barn. 

"Walkers," you panted. "Too many." 

"Shit," Shane hissed, grabbing his gun. 

"What's going on?" Andrea and Glenn had wandered out onto the porch. 

They were quick to notice the whole army of walkers converging on the group, though. 

"We have to get out of here," Glenn said. 

"No," Hershel denied. "This is my farm and I'm going to defend it." Hershel had somehow gotten his hands on a gun and was checking it over. You weren’t about to doubt that he knew how to use it. 

Shane met Hershel's eyes. "You sure about that, man? That's an awful lot of walkers." 

Hershel nodded his head. "If I have to go down with this farm, then so be it. I won't let them take it from me. Even if I have to die." 

Daryl snorted in amusement at that. "I guess tonight's as good a night as any to do it." 

It seemed like it didn't take long for people to rally after that. Shane had commandeered the RV and asked Jimmy to drive it while he stayed on the roof, intent on picking off any walkers that got close enough. T-Dog and Andrea got into the old blue pick-up truck and took off, intent on thinning out the herd. You agreed to go with Glenn and Maggie in the green Honda, figuring that if you were going to help defend the farm, then it would be better if you could actually get close enough to the walkers to make a dent in their forces. 

Just as you were stepping off the front porch, your mom came racing out of the house. "Where's Carl? And Rick?" 

You glanced around and only then noticed that your little brother and dad weren't anywhere in sight. "Shit," you hissed. 

"Carl was supposed to be upstairs, but he's not. I don’t know where he went." You could hear how scared your mom was just from her tone. 

Carol reached out to put a hand on Lori's shoulder. "I'll help you look." She turned to Beth and Patricia. "Will you two watch Sophia?" 

Patricia nodded her head. "Of course." 

"Come on, Y/N, let's go," Glenn urged you. 

"Wait," your mom said before she reached forward and pulled you into an embrace. "I love you," she whispered in your ear. 

You hugged her tightly to you, suddenly fiercely glad to have your mom there. "I love you," you echoed back before you stepped away, checking that you had enough rounds for the shotgun you'd been given. You turned around and crawled into the backseat of the Honda, trying to ignore the feeling that you had just said good-bye to your mom. That was absurd, you told yourself. You would make it and she would make it. It had to work that way. 

You took a deep breath, rolling down the window just behind Maggie's seat and pushed yourself out enough to give you the angle you needed to shoot as many walkers as you could. Maggie drove as close to the line of walkers as she was able to without endangering you. Once you were close enough, you starting taking them out one by one. It felt like for every one you took down, three more would be there to replace it. 

It took you a few minutes to realize that the barn was on fire. You tried not to get distracted by the blaze, because there were dozens of walkers converging on the vehicle you were currently sitting in and you couldn't afford to let one of them slip past your defenses. You knew that Maggie and Glenn were counting on you, so you forced yourself to focus, hoping that a miracle would happen and everyone would somehow make it out of this alive. 

It felt like this was a chaos that was inescapable, though. This was the moment that would probably give you nightmares for the rest of your life. You could hear screaming in the distance and you wanted so badly to throw yourself out of the car and go back to the house. Did your dad and Carl make it back? Did the others get out safely or were they still trying to defend the farm as well? You were terrified for Carl and Sophia in all of this, because they were just children. This was probably going to scar them for life on top of everything else they had already been through. 

The only thing you allowed yourself to be aware of was killing walkers. Other things drifted in, though. You could hear gunshots and the ceaseless moaning of the undead. You could hear shouts and were vaguely aware that the RV was now over by the barn. You worried about Shane and Jimmy for a second before you had to take down another walker. 

"Have we even made a dent in these stupid things?" You had to drop back into the SUV to reload. "I'm running low," you told the other two occupants of the vehicle. 

"Me too," Glenn said. 

It was then that you noticed the blue pick-up truck taking off. 

"Should I follow them?" Maggie asked. Her voice was breathy and high-pitched. You could tell she was only moments away from really panicking. 

It was then that the walkers started piling up on the front of the SUV. 

"Go! We have to leave!" Glenn shouted. 

"Maggie, it's useless. There's too many of them." You were checking that your window was rolled up, but if the walkers broke through the glass, then there wasn't much to stop them from getting all three of you. 

"I can't leave them," Maggie said with a shake of her head. 

"You're not," you leaned forward to tell her. Your heart was pounding so hard in your chest that you were practically rocking in your seat with the force of it. "It looks like everyone else left too." 

Finally, just when you were sure the walkers were about to completely overwhelm the car, Maggie reversed the SUV and took off. 

It was light outside by the time Maggie stopped just before the highway. Her hands were shaking and you knew that she was barely holding it together. 

"I can't believe I left them," she whispered with a shake of her head. "What if we're the only ones left? I need to go back and see if the others are there." 

She was staring at Glenn with wide, terrified eyes. Your heart ached, because you knew what she was feeling. You had so many people to think about. Your mom and dad. Shane. Carl. Sophia. Daryl. You were terrified at the thought that none of them made it. You were starting to pick up on Maggie's panic and your breath started coming faster. You were trying not to have a panic attack. You thought you had noticed T-Dog leaving in the blue pick-up truck. Were there others in the truck with him? Hadn't Andrea been with him when they left to shoot down the walkers? 

"Look," Glenn was saying. "We need to get to the highway where we left supplies for Sophia when she first went missing. I'm sure that's where everyone is going to be heading. We'll get there and they'll all be there." He was trying to catch Maggie's gaze. 

She wasn't looking at Glenn, though. Her eyes were unfocused and staring out the front windshield of the car. You knew she was probably thinking of her sister and dad dead. 

"Maggie, I love you," Glenn said to break the silence. That finally got Maggie's attention. "We're going to be okay." 

"You really love me?" Her tone warred between fear and relief now, like she was glad that Glenn was finally admitting his feelings for her, and still thinking of everything she might have lost. 

Glenn nodded his head. "I should have said it a lot sooner, but I do. And I know that even if it is just the three of us, that we're going to be okay. Because I love you." 

She offered him a weak smile and nodded her head. "I love you too." 

You felt awkward, but it wasn't like you were about to get out of the car to give them privacy. You weren't sure if there were still a lot of walkers in the area. Maybe they had destroyed the farm by now and were moving on. You didn't know, but you felt restless. You wanted to get to the highway and see if anyone else was there waiting where Glenn said they would be. 

Glenn convinced Maggie to let him drive and you watched as he got out to go around the car to the driver's seat while she pushed herself over the middle console to get into the passenger seat. You watched around the car, anxious at the thought of a walker stumbling up to Glenn once he was out of the safety of the vehicle, but thankfully nothing happened. 

"Okay," Glenn said with a shaky breath. "Let's go meet the others." 

He pulled out onto the road and you stared out the window. You were trying to keep calm, but you didn't know what was going to happen. There were so many possibilities. What if no one was there? What if you, Glenn, and Maggie were the only survivors from the farm? You couldn't stomach the thought. 

You closed your eyes, but they quickly shot open at the sound of a motorcycle engine not far away. You glanced around and noticed that Daryl was pulling his motorcycle up to the side of the SUV, waving for Glenn to follow him. You felt such relief at the sight of him and his vest with the angel wings on the back as he passed your car. Carol was on the back of the motorcycle and once you glanced back, you noticed the blue pick-up truck trailing behind them. You could just make out the sight of T-Dog, Beth, and Sophia in the truck. 

"Shit," you breathed to yourself. It didn't mean anything, you tried to tell yourself. Hershel wasn't there. Your dad and mom weren't there. Shane wasn't there. Carl wasn't there. What if you were the last Grimes standing? You didn't even want to think about finding your family just to lose them in the most brutal way possible. 

It seemed to take forever before the car started slowing down. You kept your eyes shut, worried about what you would see once you opened them. You felt the car stop and then heard Glenn and Maggie opening their doors. 

"Hey, Y/N," Glenn said. "Are you okay?" 

You nodded your head. "Just need a minute." 

"Well, we'll be out here when you're ready," Maggie told you. 

You took a deep breath and nodded your head again. You felt around for the car door, reaching down until your fingers were wrapped around the handle. You pushed the door open and finally managed to glance around. All you could focus on was the sight of Carl and you immediately bolted from the car. 

"Carl!" You ran towards your baby brother, sweeping him up into a hug. You felt such immense relief in that moment. Tears were in your eyes and your hands were shaking as you pulled back to look at him. 

He looked shaken and scared, but he wasn't hurt. You grinned down at him. 

"I'm so glad you're alive," Carl whispered to you. 

"You too," you said. It was then that the silence and tension finally came through to you. You glanced around at the group. You noticed that Patricia wasn't there with Beth and Maggie. Hershel was hugging his daughters, but you also noticed that Jimmy was absent as well. It took you longer than it probably should have to realize that Andrea wasn't with the group either. 

When you caught sight of your dad staring off into the distance and Shane rubbing a hand over the back of his head while tears rolled down his face, you realized what was really wrong. Your mom wasn't there. 

"No," you whispered. It couldn't have happened. You stood up suddenly, glancing wildly from one group member to the next. She wasn't there. She wasn't in any of the vehicles. She wasn't resting somewhere. She just wasn't _there_. 

You felt your breath catch in your throat. This was what you had been so terrified of happening. You caught Shane's gaze and once he shook his head, he confirmed what you didn't want to acknowledge. Your mom didn't make it. The unborn sibling you were going to welcome into the world didn't make it. 

"Is this all of us?" Hershel asked. "Patricia? Jimmy?" 

Shane grimaced at that. "Daryl and I thought that Carl and Rick might've set the barn on fire, so Jimmy agreed to drive the RV over there so that I could help Rick and Carl get out. Walkers swarmed the RV and he didn't make it." 

"Oh shit," you breathed. "I left Randall in the barn when I went to warn everyone. Did you see him?" 

Carl shook his head. "Walkers got him." 

You felt guilty about basically condemning Randall to die. You knew it made you seem like a terrible person, but you had barely spared him a thought after noticing the herd. 

Beth's voice was shaky as she looked around at the group. "Walkers got Patricia too. She was right behind me and she had a hold on my hand. I was holding onto her when they got her." Tears were streaming down Beth's face and Maggie reached out to pull her into an even tighter embrace. 

"Andrea?" Daryl asked. 

T-Dog nodded his head. "I saw Andrea go down. She didn't get back up." 

"She saved my life," Carol admitted. She was clutching Sophia to her just a few feet away. "But I'm not sure she's dead. I didn't see her get bitten." 

"Then I'll go back and look for her," Daryl offered. 

"No," your dad said. He blinked at the group a few times, his expression blank. He crossed over until he could put his arms around you and Carl. "We've lost enough as it is. We can't afford to lose more." 

You hated to ask the question, because the look in your dad's eyes told you he was moments away from snapping, but you wanted to know what happened. "What about mom?" 

You were surprised when Sophia started sobbing. She ran over to you and threw her arms around your waist, momentarily knocking you of the hug with your dad and Carl. It was then that you noticed there was blood on her arms and you worried for a moment that she had been bitten, but once you got a good look at her, you were able to tell that it wasn't her blood. 

"She saved me," Sophia whispered. "There was a walker and it grabbed me. Your mom saved me." 

Beth nodded her head. "Sophia fell and a walker almost got to her, but Lori stopped it. It bit her before we could help her. And then there were too many of them." 

You grimaced at the thought of your mom being ganged up on by walkers. You didn't even want to picture it. You felt like you were finally repairing your relationship with her and now she was gone. You'd never get to fully fix everything that had been left between you. You didn't even realize you were shaking until Carol reached forward and pulled Sophia away from you. There was an arm around your shoulders and you immediately turned into the embrace, barely recognized that it was Daryl's arms that were around you now. Usually you would have been overjoyed by the idea that he was willingly being affectionate with you, but now you could only focus on the loss you felt threatening to take you down. 

"Shit," Daryl muttered before he moved away. You barely suppressed the urge to whimper at the loss of contact. He was only gone long enough to take out a lone walker, though, before he was back. "I'm sorry," he whispered to you. Your face was now buried in his neck and you took the opportunity to shut out the world. You didn't have to be constantly vigilant for this one moment, because you knew that Daryl would never let anything bad happen to you. 

It wasn't long before plans were made to leave. 

"We need to head east," someone said. You weren't lifting your head from where it was resting on Daryl's shoulder just yet, so it was mostly muffled. "Stay off the main roads." 

"Hey," Daryl said, pulling back enough to get a look at your face. "Want to ride with me?" 

You nodded your head. When you glanced around, you noticed Glenn, Maggie, Hershel, Beth, and T-Dog getting into the green SUV. Your dad, Carl, Shane, Carol, and Sophia got into the red and white SUV. You figured that the blue pick-up truck was getting left behind. You shared a look with Shane before you got onto the back of Daryl's bike, your arms coming around to circle around his waist. You let your head rest between his shoulder blades as he started up his bike and took off. 

You couldn't help but wonder what was going through your dad's head right now. You expected more rage and for him to be completely unhinged, but he had barely said a word. You were waiting for him to blow up, but you hoped that he would at least wait until the group was relatively safe. You knew that he had to be mad with grief by now. 

Daryl had taken the lead, so by the time one of the cars was honking its horn behind you, you had given up all pretense of not leaning on him for support and comfort. You were sure that this wasn't going to last, since Daryl seemed to value his personal space, but you were glad he was giving you this now. 

It turned out that the red SUV was almost out of gas, so it was decided that the best course of action was to stop and camp out for the night before searching for gas in the morning. 

Your dad looked a bit more calm and collected, but you were sure it was a matter of time before he gave into what he was really feeling. "I know it looks bad, but at least some of us are still here." At that, he reached out to pull Carl closer to him and when he glanced up at you, you found yourself pulled into the embrace. From the way he was clinging to you and Carl, you wondered if the two of you were the only reason he had kept some measure of sanity. 

"Are you sure it's safe to stay here?" Maggie took a step forward, her expression conveying her worry. "Glenn and I could go look for gas somewhere." 

"It's not safe," Rick argued with a shake of his head. "We don't need you getting stranded without gas too. We'll be okay here tonight." 

Shane reached out to put a hand on your dad's shoulder. "You sure about this?" 

Your dad nodded his head, but he didn't say anything. 

That seemed to be all Shane needed for confirmation. He stepped up beside him. "We'll need to find firewood," he addressed the rest of the group. "No one goes off alone." He nodded over towards a rock formation that would allow some sense of protection throughout the night. "We'll stay there tonight. Two people will be kept on watch at all times." 

You were glad that Shane was able to take control for the moment. You had been worried that he would be just as bereft after the death of your mother, but he seemed oddly calm and in control. After a few moments you reached out to pull him into the Grimes family group hug that was still going on. Your dad's grip tightened for a second in surprise and Shane looked like he didn't know what the hell he was supposed to do before he tentatively wrapped his arms around you and Carl. He shared a look with your dad and you weren't quite sure what was communicated between them, but your dad nodded and Shane seemed to relax into the hug. 

You finally pulled away from them after a couple of minutes, electing to go find firewood with Daryl. 

He waited to say something until you were mostly out of earshot of the group. He had his bow up and constantly searching for walkers. "Are you okay?" 

You glanced over at him, bending down to grab a few sticks. "I'm not sure," you answered. Would you ever be okay again? You didn't think it was possible, but you were honestly glad that you at least had your dad and Carl left. Shane had taken control of the group while your dad sat silently off to the side, his eyes focused off into the distance. You knew that there was very little from keeping him there and not going back to the farm to kill every last walker until he found some remains of your mom. 

Later, when you were huddled near the fire with your arm wrapped around Carl, you tried to keep from shivering. It was so cold and with winter approaching, you knew that it was going to be rough trying to keep the group fed and warm. You kept your gaze focused on the fire. You were barely aware of the conversation going on around you, but you caught certain snippets of it enough to get the gist of what was going on. 

"We thought the farm was safe, but it wasn't. Will we ever be safe again?" 

"We can't stay here forever. We'll have to move in the morning." 

"What was that noise?" That brought you out of your daze enough to listen to the sounds surrounding the group. There was the sound of a twig breaking and you brought Carl even closer to your side when he gasped at the sound. Ever since the group settled down for the night, he was reluctant to let you go. You felt better knowing he was right there by your side. T-Dog and Shane were up on the wall so that they could keep watch, while your dad was standing in one of the openings of the walls. 

You were surprised by the sound of your dad's voice once he finally spoke up. He sounded hoarse and like he had been yelling for hours, even though you knew that wasn't true. "If this is going to work," he started, "then you're all going to have to trust me." He turned to give everyone a look, as if daring any of them to argue. "And if you're going to trust me, then I need to be honest about something." 

You couldn't help but wonder what your dad was talking about. From what you had witnessed, there wasn't much he had hidden from the group. 

"When we were at the CDC, Jenner told me something." 

This was new for you. You didn't know anything about the group being at the CDC or about someone called Jenner. You could only guess that it was something that happened before you were reunited with your family. 

"He told me that whatever this disease is that turns people into walkers, it's something that we all carry. It doesn't transfer through the bite. You only have to die to become a walker." 

It seemed like there was a collective intake of breath, like everyone was holding it in until it was going to explode all around you. You were confused by the reaction. 

"I wasn't at the CDC with you guys," you reminded the group. "But you guys didn't know about this? That you don't have to be bitten to become a walker?" 

Shane was glaring at Rick, but he turned his attention to you at your words. "You did?" 

You nodded your head. "Before I met you guys, I saw someone get stabbed." You reached up to touch a spot just below your collarbone. "Right here. And they died, but they didn't stay that way for long. They got up again and they were a walker." You frowned at the thought that everyone had been living with the assumption that you only turned from a bite or scratch. "You guys haven't seen anyone die like that?" 

You noticed mostly everyone shaking their head. 

"Oh," you found yourself saying, before you decided to shut up. The group was angry. You could see the barely contained fury in the set of Shane's shoulders and the betrayal that most of the group wore on their faces. 

"Why didn't you tell us about it?" Shane was staring down at your dad, his fingers clenched tight around the weapon in his hands. 

"Because I thought it best if people didn't find out. It would only create more worry and panic. We didn't need that." 

"Who are you to tell us what we do and don't need?" Carol looked like she was seconds away from grabbing Sophia and leaving. "We can't stay here," she finally said. "Not with you." 

Maggie was holding Glenn's hand, but her gaze was on Hershel and Beth. "Maybe we should leave too. It's not safe." 

Hershel shook his head. "Don't be foolish." 

"I want to keep this group together and alive." Your dad was staring down the group, but his focus kept shifting out towards the forest around you, as if waiting for a walker to come stumbling up. You hoped the noise from before was just an animal and not a walker. You didn't think that would help with the worry that the group was projecting in spades if there was another threat at that moment. 

Glancing around at the others, you could tell that a lot of them thought that your dad was deranged now. There was a wildness in his eyes, a tightly leashed fury that was strong in his movements that you knew meant he was going to snap at some point. You didn't even know how he was managing now. You thought he would be crippled by the loss of your mom, but he was somehow managing an attempt to lead the group. You couldn't help but wonder if he was only allowing himself to do this because he knew that Shane would be quick to take over if he failed to lead. 

"I know there's a place out there for us," your dad was saying now. "But if you don't trust me, then you're welcome to leave. But I promise that if you stay, I will do everything I can to keep you safe. I will find us a place to be safe. I promise," he stressed. "But if you do stay, then there's something you need to realize. This isn't a democracy anymore. If I'm going to lead, then I'll be calling the shots or I'll ask for advice. No one goes off on their own anymore and no one is going die. We can't afford that now." 

There was a stunned silence from the rest of the group, but when you managed to catch Hershel's gaze, you realized that he was probably one of the only ones who was ready to follow your dad's lead. 

Once it was clear that no one was about to up and leave the group, everyone seemed to settle in for the night. Carl was tucked against your side, but when you were sure that no one would care, you reached out to wrap your fingers around Daryl's wrist. He had been beside you for most of the night as well. He only left to quickly check the perimeter a couple of times every hour, but he would always gravitate back towards your side. You were grateful that he was there for you. 

He offered you an unsure smile. "Get some rest, Squirrel. We've got a long day ahead of us tomorrow." 

You nodded your head, squeezing his wrist once, but still keeping your fingers wrapped around it as you tried to close your eyes and get some sleep. Without the farm, the safety of the group was uncertain. Even with the farm, the group had suffered a heartbreaking amount of loss. 

You were sure that there was a long road ahead of the group in finding some modicum of safety again. You weren’t sure if you would even have time to mourn your mother once the group set out in the morning, but you knew that she would be on your mind often in the days to come. 

As you thought about all of the others in the group who were still alive, you couldn’t help but hope that all of you would survive the journey.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahh, don't hate me for that. I know, but I've been thinking for months about what to do about Lori and Judith. I didn't want to go with the canon in the comics, because that was super brutal. I didn't want to go with canon on the show. So, I went with this. Hopefully you guys don't hate me for it. Also, Rick will have his epic breakdown. Don't worry about that. It's just going to happen a little later.
> 
> I hit a really bad low this week. Depression is my very worst enemy...besides anxiety. So I hope this is okay. 
> 
> Thank you for everyone who reads, comments, leaves kudos, and bookmarks this fic. You guys are the best and keep me going. ♥ Seriously, when I'm having a down moment, I'll re-read the comments and they help me so much. So, thank you. 
> 
> I'm going to take a tiny break from this fic while I get my thoughts in order about how to handle the prison and where I actually want to stop this fic. I have no idea at this point, so I'll hopefully return soon with a more solid plan.


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